|
Why Dad Can't "Have it All" |
|
Father's Day holds few surprises. A gift from the kids-usually a bad
tie-and dinner with the family. Fatherhood itself, however, has
undergone dramatic changes over the past few decades as Dads have taken
on far more responsibility at home and, in many ways, changed the very
definition of Father. The rest of the world has yet to catch up with
the new Dad. As a result, even in 2004, too many fathers must still
choose between being good breadwinners and good parents -- when they'd
like to be both.
In 1960, Dads in 70 percent of all families with children could kiss
the kids good-bye and leave for work knowing that Mom was home to
answer any calls from the school nurse. Today, Dad's work number is
likely to be on the school emergency card -- as there's no one home
full-time in over 70 percent of all families. As working mothers
have increased the number of hours they work -- by over 1/3, over the
last two decades, according to the Economic Policy Institute -- Dad has
been under ever more pressure to pick up the slack.
Dads have responded -- increasing the time they spend doing household
chores by almost 45 minutes a day (while mothers have decreased their
time by about the same amount), and spending twice as much time devoted
to child care responsibilities as they did thirty years ago. The
results tend to be positive. The more involved Dad is in family life,
the better the kids' cognitive development, self control, self esteem,
life skills and social competence -- and the less stereotyped attitudes
they have about appropriate roles for men and women.
Michael Kimmel, a leading scholar of fatherhood, believes "the most
dramatic shift in family life in the 21st century will surely be the
changing roles of men, just as the demographic shift in the workplace
in the 20th century was the dramatic entry of women."
But while dads seem willing to expand their role in family life,
there's a third party that has not been so quick to change: the
workplace. Dad may want to spend more time with the kids, but his boss
isn't too eager to give him the flexibility he needs. Fathers are now
working slightly more than they did in 1979. And the pressure on them to
do all that is asked of them at work is on the rise. Offshoring is just
one of the threats to a family's economic security. Job tenure and
benefit coverage are down. Wages have stagnated while fixed costs like
housing and college are through the roof.
Dads can't risk losing the family's health care and pension benefits
that are often tied to working a "full-time" schedule. Meanwhile,
full-time jobs often lack access to parental leave or flexible work
arrangements that would help them balance work and family. More than
half of wage and salaried employees lack the ability to change
their starting and quitting times, and a similar percentage lack the
ability to work a compressed schedule. In fact, Dads often face
hostility by their employer for taking time off to meet the needs of
children and family. In a study released this week by the Program on
WorkLife Law at American University Washington College of Law, fathers
were found to risk pay loss, disciplinary action, and even dismissal
when they choose family responsibilities over work.
For dads, like moms, cash competes with care. Much has been written in
the last few years about the financial sacrifice this often entails for
Mom -- especially in the event of a divorce. But less has been said
about the price that Dad and the kids pay when a demanding boss, or
fear of a pink slip, trumps Dad's ability to attend to a sick
child or show up for a parent conference.
It is simply a myth that dads wouldn't choose to "have it all" if given
the option. A study by the Families and Work Institute shows that 70
percent of fathers reported feeling that they do not have enough time
with their children. And when two federal agencies implemented flextime
for their employees, half of the male employees
with children changed their work hours in order to spend more time with their families.
Institutions need to change if men are to be allowed to succeed as
fathers, both at work and at home. For a start, employers need to
understand that their workforce has more family responsibilities than
in the past and needs more flexibility. Family economic security -- in
the form of health insurance and pension benefits -- can no longer be
tied to working long hours. More supports -- like child care and after
after school -- are required to help care for children while dads and
moms are at work.
It's not too late to return the tie.
________________________________________________________________________________
Karen Kornbluh is Director and Shelley Waters Boots is the Research Director of the Work & Family Program of the New America Foundation.
|
