As I answer the phone a frantic voice is saying. “He just swallowed Daddy-long legs!”  Then that Dad said what is the number of poison control? Everything turned-out ok except for the bug that the toddler swallowed.

Again, I am reminded how toddler boys are a unique creation and how boys act like boys.  Even as the years progress you will see and hear this at home and on the playground.  The scene is different but the story is the same. “You cannot hit me because I am a girl.  I will tell the teacher and you will get in trouble.”  How perplexing it was for a six-year-old first grader to be able to play hard and even fight with the boys but not be able to, at least, lift a finger against the girl who had been taunting him every morning of school.  Even on the first grade playground it was all about the messages that boys were getting.  Even in the preschool years boys know that they are different from girls in more ways than just the obvious.

Parents and other significant adults have an impact on who the boy is and who he perceives himself to be.  Boys look for affirmation by parents, other children and even toy manufacturers as to who they are and what they are supposed to be.  There is a biological and social component that makes boys different to nurture than girls.

Some boys are in trouble now, without the nuclear family of past.  This nuclear family consisted of mother, father at home and grandparents that lived close by to help with the care and nurture of children.  Families are stretched, battered, and are under pressure from all areas of society.

Over 40 percent of boys are now being raised without their biological dads.  Studies have shown that one of the predictors of whether a boy will succeed or fail in school is if there a male role model present.   It has been said, “A boy without a without a father is like an explorer without a map.”  How boys seek to know the father, imitate the father, and even confront everything that the father possesses is a healthy part of growing up.  Boys can be anything from a florist, a dancer, a cook, or even a hairdresser and still be a boy.  

Implications for Dads and other Role Models as they work with boys

We can help boys be boys by recognizing that their minds different from girls, and that is OK.  Their brains have more cortical area in which boys want to move everything- from basketballs, to arms and legs: they are always on the move. Boys have a difficult time staying still, especially for a long
period of time.  For parents, and especially teachers, it is going to be difficult to keep them still on a particular task.

Boys are also more impulsive.  They will not be found chatting but doing.  It is important in a classroom to have boys doing tasks, such as taking apart coffee makers when they are studying science.  This allows them to do hands-on work and use thinking skills…

Boys’ brains have less blood flow than girls, and boys tend to compartmentalize learning.  Girls tend to multi-task better than boys do.  Boys like to finish one job at a time.  Boys like to feel the sense of accomplishment and success with what they do.  The male brain is better suited for symbols, abstractions, diagrams, pictures and objects instead of the “blab blab” of many words.

If you want boys to talk, get them involved in a task.  They will begin to tell you about the specific task they are doing in detail.  For some boys this activity will allow you to see what this child is feeling and seeing.  

Helps for You and Helps for Him

•    Boys like to use their hands to build things.  Let him feel, touch, move the item and explore the many uses of the item.

•    Get to the point with your instructions. Model for him, in a concise manner, what to do.

•    Just like big boys go to the garage and work and find their space, boys like to have their space at the dinner table or their own place to put an article of clothing.
•    Whether a grandfather, father or a step-dad is in a life, every significant male should mentor or guide the boy.

•    Affirmation from all adults, such as making statements such as “Good work.”  “I’m proud of you,” even a hug, handshake or whatever your family does to show the affirmation….

•    Give rewards when he does what he is suppose to do at home (school). Do something spontaneous like go to the park, play
pitch and catch or even a trip for ice-cream.  Rewards do not have to be money: they can be your time, time, time….

Boys are boys, but each boy is different and must be treated as an individual.  As caregivers you have a short time to take that boy and be the significant person to mold him for life.

References

Dobson, J. (Contributor). (2005). Bringing up Boys Parenting
[Video series]. (Available
       From Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, Colorado,
80995)

Gurian, M., & Stevens, K. (2004, November). Educational
Leadership: With Boys and
       Girls in Mind, 62(3), 21-26.

Gurian, M., Henley, P., & Trueman. T. (2001). Boys and girls
learn differently! A guide
       for teachers and parents. [Electronic version]. National
School Boards Association,

Sommers, C. A. (2000).  The War against Boys:  How Misguided
Feminism Is Harming
       Our Young Men. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Stossel, J. (Producer). (April 14, 2006).  Difference between
Boys and Girls.  [Television
       broadcast].  New York. The American Broadcasting Network.

Tyre, Peg. (2006, January 30). Newsweek: The Trouble with Boys,
147(4), 44, 46-52.


Biography:

Timothy Leggett is a Mississippian, a Husband, a Father, and a Grandfather; who has been an advocate for children for over 35 years from the inner-city to the university classroom.