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Written by Derek Meche
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I am sure that most of us remember the
early Bugs Bunny cartoon where he has to deal with Gremlins. They
are those little monsters that take and break things. You may
have even heard the expression of a machine or system having Gremlins
because it just does not work right. Gremlins may sometime appear
where you least expect them. One thing to watch out, kids are not
Gremlins.
Ok, I'll explain this one. A lot
of guys out there are newly single and on their own. After all,
this is a column for divorced dads. Well, as guys living on our
own, we are use to having things like we want and where we want.
When we have the kids over for weekend, we may experience "gremlin
like" occurrences. For example, you can never find the
remote. When you do find it, the TV always ends up back on the
Cartoon Network. Or, you always seem to be running out of
coke, chips, cookies, and other snack foods. No, you don't have
gremlins, only kids.
I am now remarried, but I do remember
the gremlin days. You always have to visit the grocery store
before you pick up the kids. You have to hide the breakables, and
put dangerous items out of reach. What has happened is that your
life is back the way it was before you got divorced. The question
is, how do you change between these modes.
For those of us who have been married and
lived with our children, the adjustment is not difficult. What
may be difficult is that you may be living in a much smaller place and
probably don't have a large amount of money to spend. Your new
place must have a designated sleeping area that the kids can rely on as
their own. Even if it is cushions on the floor in the living
room, they must know that this is their area. Of course it is
better for the kids to have their own room, but some guys can't afford
that big a place right off. What is important is that the kids
know they are wanted and welcome at your new home. While it may not be
the same as their home, it must feel no different than say a
grandparent's home. Try to have games and toys for them there
that are left at your house. Also try to treat your children to
activities that they don't get to do with the other parent. Going to
dad's house has to be fun, but it does not have to be expensive.
Playing games and watching their TV shows means a lot to them.
Giving time and attention are free.
Getting started on your own again can be
hard. It will be even harder on the kids. Hopefully these
few suggestions can make things a little easier. Have plenty of
snacks, games, their own area or room, and most of all, accept kids for
being kids. Things will get broken, lost, and misplaced.
Don't worry, it's not gremlins, its only kids growing up. Be
patient and loving. Things will work out in time.
Derek is President of: Louisiana Dads.
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