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Written by Ron Miller
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I am no expert on divorce recovery. Simply put, I am much like you, a divorced dad trying to cope day in and day out.
Recently, in my quest for becoming a better father, and to find some
emotional support, I came across Fatherville.com. Fatherville.com
not only offers many valuable parenting tips for divorced dads or
otherwise, Fatherville.com has given me the opportunity to share some
of the lessons I am learning through my divorce. My hope in this
journey is to positively affect the lives of other divorced dads, just
like me. If I become a better father in the meantime then kudos.
We know divorce hurts. It affects families, friends, and most of
all, our precious children. So what can we, divorced
dad’s do, to improve this matter?
First of all, we need to look at ourselves in the mirror every day and
deal with that man you see. Since you are the only person you can
change, make the choice and do it. The sooner you decide to deal
with the man in the mirror, the sooner you will begin the healing
process. I look at the man in my mirror everyday and fight to get
better within myself and I do it one day at a time.
Next, if you are still blaming your ex-wife, your in-laws and the court
of law, stop. This is all a waste of time. Rather, focus on
the things you did that brought you where you are today.
Take responsibility for your actions and try not to repeat the bad
behaviors. Learn from your mistakes.
Another suggestion is to seek out accountability relationships with a
friend(s) you trust. Be careful not to make yourself vulnerable
to a member of the opposite sex if that so happens to be the person you
choose to hold you accountable. Remember, accountability
relationships can be tough at times. If your friend knows you
well and is honest with you, he/she will tell you what you need to
hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. Give their advice a
chance to sink in. It may take time for you to accept their
support.
Additionally, our children don’t just need a dad in their
lives; they need a healthy dad. You can do them more harm than
good if you do not seek help and support. That is why God created
Doctors and Counselors. They are there to help.
Finally, each time you struggle, go back and look into the
mirror. Be honest with yourself. Let go of what you cannot
control and change something you know you can, yourself.
May God Bless all divorced dads.
Ron Miller, Springfield, Illinois
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