"I'd trust Bush with my daughter, but Clinton with my job" a
Philadelphia miner is reported to have commented. Remember Clinton?
He's the one, under oath, who stated "that all depends on what your
definition of the word is...is." It's amazing how things are changing. I
cannot imagine my job ever being more important than my children.
Nevertheless, it happens. Things change.
In an age where looking at defining words differently, today's article
might put some of you moms and dads on a bumpy ride as my pubescent 12
year-old, and his friends are making me listen and ask probing
question. Here's the hard point, I remember when it was "hip" for me to
"dig" my friends' new language, when as a teenager, I attempted to use
the new lingo, while avoiding the wrath of my aunt. Things there
haven't changed much for parents.
Today's kids have words that frustrate and annoy, but we learn to hear
them with their lexicon. Like ‘sweet.' I know what sweet is. I have a
sweet tooth that's sent me to visit the dentist more lately than I
would like. Sweet is one of the four taste buds we have on our tongue.
Today, sweet means something that's ‘outta sight;' that's really good!
I can dig that! That's tight!
"Tight" is another word I've begun using. I've tried using this word in
conjunction with sweet in my classes. My students look at me like I've
just morphed out of a "Saturday Night Fever" movie fully dressed in a
white, ‘polyester' leisure suit, platform shoes and bell-bottoms. Today
tight has nothing to do with mom's dress or jeans. Tight is something
that's ‘cool.' But it's as if I've invaded their space. Some think it's
okay for me to be hip. Other think it's another attempt by the
establishment to ‘rock their world,' without their permission. I need
their permission to be hip?
Now this next word is a hard word for me to deconstruct because of its
origin, and all the energy connected with it. In college, I remember it
evolved about the same time Martin Luther King was making in-roads for
‘coloreds' to become Negroes, and others like Ralph Boston helped us
accept the word ‘black.' There was a time when you would never call an
African-American, black. It was derisive. Likewise, it's been an effort
for me to finally accept a new teen-word in the proper context of my
70s ‘with-it' vocabulary.
The word? Well, it's a word that was used in the 1890's to describe an
era of happiness and freedom and replaced a more derisive term in the
70's to describe homosexuals. As opposed to being ‘queers,' homosexuals
of the 1970s became gay. People used to being called gay, like their
gay 1890 ancestors realized they had to turn the term loose, or be
mislabeled. Gay was better than queer, but no longer a term used when
referring to having a carefree attitude about life. Today's youth are
transforming what gay means. And if you parents, teachers, or older
non-parents who are not aware of it, get ‘with-it.' Gay has taken on a
new definition, depending on who's using it.
To many middle-schoolers, gay now means dumb or boring. Gay means
stupid, idiotic, and covers a gamut of idiocy we ironically once used
to describe things we considered ‘queer.' Using the word ‘gay' in this
new context is a way our kids are finding to express themselves. It
probably will take some time to get used to. It probably took our
parents time to get use to some of the things we did. It's just like
the people who wanted to be thought of as being gay, until gay no
longer meant in the 1970s what it meant in the 1890s.
I'm trying to teach them to be sensitive to us, as I try to be
sensitive to them. Ever so often, our kids might realize that mom and
dad are ‘tight' as they remind us how sweet they really are.
Archie Wortham lives with his wife, Suzan of 23 years, and their two
sons Myles (12), and Jeremy (16) in Universal City, Texas, a suburb of
San Antonio. Retired from the military in 1996, for nine years he wrote
a dad's column originally called "Jeremy's Dad," then called
"Jeremyles' Dad," named after both his sons. He now writes a column in
San Antonio called "Men 2 Fathers." Archie also maintains the Fatherhood site,
you may contact him by email at
