"They can be great people Kal-El. They wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way," Jor-El tells his son in "Superman Returns." That's something for all of us to mull over this summer, as it applies to parents, teachers and especially students.
Greatness is elusive. Nevertheless, our search for greatness and to be enlightened are things that should never be diminished. Education has always been the best cure to many of our ills. Many choose not to see that, and in the process the values many of us held as more precious than gold has been tarnished by the things many have chosen as replacements, such as clothes, cars and concubines.
It's ironic how those things we choose to value changes. The irony is that whether we realize or acknowledge it, our kids reflect our values. When we as a parent or teacher see that, and don't like what we see, do we ask how that happened? When we lower the bar, and make it so easy to cross what have we accomplished? More graduates? Less conflict? When we become scared of our shadows, we fail to realize the fear our kids have when one day they discover how ill prepared we've allowed them to become.
Oh. I've heard many of the excuses. He doesn't know how to do that meaning mothers want an excuse to keep their kids babies. It also means that mothers can maneuver a certain degree of control that often evolves into conflict when fathers try to make men out of sons who are able to carry their own weight, but don't because parents choose to make their child's road easier than the road they traveled. Am I making sense? And the worse example of this are schools where the dumbing-down process has allowed many students to take AP classes just so they wouldn't have to be in the general population. You know what I mean! If I can get an 80 in an AP class, that's the same as a 90 in a regular class. And we wonder why scores decline.
Teachers and parents have become a menace to our young people by becoming too permissive, allowing privilege to take away power, and in the process enabling children to be pitiable. Many parents are raising a pack of whining, overly indulged babies who have no intention of taking care of anyone but themselves. And if you child has not given any indication that they are willing to give something back, then take notice to what I'm saying. We don't groom a Warren Buffet every day, but more important, when we start siding with Hip-Hop artist who capitalize on degrading women and marginalizing our vocabulary by using words we can't repeat, then we create Gomorrahs in our communities.
So how do we stop this? I have one word, and it begins with an F and ends with a K. We bring on the heavy artillery to put fires out. We create a need and desire that is so passionate we can scale any building that's burning and reacquaint ourselves with the same fire our parents had for education. We call on the firetruck that stirred our ancestors and we move toward the light, inspiring our kids to lead, rather than follow like blind dumb sheep.
One of the ways we can do this is by giving our young people more information on how to get a better education. Vanessa Rodriguez, a former Fox Tech graduate, eloquently eulogized the possibilities by admonishing parents from asking, "Are you going to college?" To resurrect this urge for higher education, parents and counselors should be asking, "Where are you going to college." It's the old adage, if you have no idea of where you're going, how do you know when you've arrived? Ms. Rodriguez rightly asserted that one factor that contributes to the lack of college-bound teens is a lack of parental involvement. I would additionally stress that the lack of paternal involvement should be mentioned at every opportunity to make sure teachers know both parents care, and more importantly, that college aspirants know that both parents care.
In our home, we surround our sons with the gospel that "Education is essential, and college is an expectation." It's never too early, nor is it ever too late to stress this, as parents help their kids see the light. We engage ourselves, rather than just hope. We talk to people we know, rather than wait for them to contact us. We live the thought that if you want to have what I have, then do what I did to get it. Moreover, tell them they can do even better!
There are easy ways to do this. Start making kids do more. Chores have their place, right next to consequences that should exist as reminders that attitudes have to be monitored, and simple tasks can help that. Meeting with teachers early is another way to generate interest in college, and prohibit the possibilities of wrong choices based on incomplete or inaccurate information.
I would like to see a group of dads do something Ms. Rodriquez alluded to, have periodic sessions where students met and talked about college, especially the work necessary to fill out application, write essays and understand that where you go is almost as important as going.
If any of you reading this are interested in doing something like this in your community, if this is the light you needed, then move toward it. Contact me if you are interested. I definitely am. And as our older son moves closer to the age where he will become a man, I have realized not just as a man, but as a parent, if I want him to achieve his desire to be great, I must let him see what lit my path. He must know what I value. He must know what I dream. He must know that if he wants the world to be his oyster, it takes a lot work to become its pearl; and even more to become a man who can take care of a family, as we men should be grooming our boys to do.
Archie Wortham lives with his wife, Suzan of 23 years, and their two
sons Myles (12), and Jeremy (16) in Universal City, Texas, a suburb of
San Antonio. Retired from the military in 1996, for nine years he wrote
a dad's column originally called "Jeremy's Dad," then called
"Jeremyles' Dad," named after both his sons. He now writes a column in
San Antonio called "Men 2 Fathers." Archie also maintains the Fatherhood site,
you may contact him by email at
