"We've seen a cultural shift in many communities that makes it downright un-male to be studious, while we've celebrated the academic achievement of girls. The pendulum has swung too far.it's time to find balance-perhaps for the first time." Those words belong to Mary Broaderick, president of the Connecticut Association of School Boards.
This is not unlike John McWhorter's commenting on therapeutic alienation, where people, because of insecurity disassociate themselves with what's going on around them. Ironically, in many communities today, it is downright un-black to do anything that might be associated with being white, like getting good grades, living in the 'burbs, getting off welfare or planning on going to college.
I realize that those comments might be a bit strong, but no stronger than Dr. Bill Cosby's comments as he told the women of Spellman College that the black race has nothing left but its women, partly because too few black males are graduating from high school. Cosby goes further by saying these are the same male students who "have memorized the lyrics of very difficult rap songs.and know how to send their sperm cells out and then walk away from the responsibility of something called fatherhood." That's the connector or disconnector. The connector for Dr. Cosby's words and those of Mary Broaderick for all men, particularly black men is fatherhood. And the disconnector because many of us don't believe as men we can accomplish the great things our ancestors created.
And don't give me any bull. If nothing else, your ancestors left you more than they had, with an expectation that you would do better than they did, and if you don't think you can.then you can't, or rather won't. I firmly believe like the educator Jerome Bruner, that all of us can learn, sandwiched between the prognostications of Mark Twain who said "We all are ignorant, just on different subjects."
Pacing through the house, in the early morn, or out running alone, I wonder why God gave me two such different sons. I wonder why they can be so difficult at times, and then I'm admonished that sometimes I too am extremely difficult. As I think about being a man, a husband and a father, I begin to wonder if my older son really believes in his dream, and when will my younger son find his.
{amazon id="0805845100"}
With the older son, there was no question about his commitment, but his commitment only ran as far as his immediate gratification of success, success predicated on a shot made, an assist that was successful, or adulations from his coach. He seemed to forget in this hard world that one 'aw-shucks' wipes away a whole barrels of 'attaboys.'
As I reflected over this, it dawned on me where I think many men are falling today. We are falling in a crevice that society cut that in some societies is as deep a pit as the Grand Canyon. In a world where the importance of fatherhood has been diminished, denigrated and denied, it's no wonder many of our boys are alienated from believing in themselves. In many cases, I would ask men today, do we believe in ourselves.
A couple of weeks ago when I used Bill Cosby's scathing revelatory remarks to the women at Spellman I countered with Leonard Pitts remarks that men generally excel for the women they adore. Well ladies, where are the men you adore, and if you can't find any, is it because you have taken upon yourself to do all you can do to make sure we are viewed as not weak or wusses, looked upon as unimportant and not needed. That's such a key, especially when you look at the number of women, particularly black women who are choosing not to get married.
Is that what we are cultivating in our society? Are we re-inventing a form of slavery where our black women think their black men are been harvested for entrapment, incarceration or entombment? If they can't get a job, they have nothing they can give a family. If they are in jail, their reputation has been ruined and the chances of regrouping are painful if not impossible. Death for some might come as an angel in the night that results in a welfare check or insurance pay out that makes life better. We've got to make this better for our men, and we start by educating them. We groom them.
We start grooming young men to respect women. Go back to opening doors for women. Go back to getting up and giving women a seat in a crowded room. Go back to saying please and thank you, and standing up for them when even Kobe won't. Men, get educated. Understand that no battle is lost until you give up.
It might be hard out there for a pimp, but pimps are going to have start paying income tax too, and that should make it even harder. But believe it or not, it's harder out here for an educated man trying to move against the flow of young black men with tattoos, bling-bling, piercing and who wear three pairs of shorts. It's hard, but not impossible.
And you men of the 60s? Many of us are approaching 60, and we should have as our mission understanding that we have to find a way to change the perception that being uneducated in "more un-cool" than being educated. We have to make kids realize that being uneducated is a slippery slope to jail. We, the men of the 60s, need today's kids to understand and appreciate the fact that being uneducated can kill your dream, alienate your heart and minimize who will look to you for support or help. We have to work to get kids to understand that their chance for success increases significantly not only if they go to school, but do well in school.
It's hard out there for young men who have a group of their peers teasing them because this group, for whatever reason has been therapeutically alienated from the truth. And we men who are cultivating fathers, if we don't tell them this, if we men don't accept this gospel as truth, they will never be free to "have a dream.embedded in the American dream," where "content of character," means more than the "color of their skin."
Archie Wortham lives with his wife, Suzan of 23 years, and their two
sons Myles (12), and Jeremy (16) in Universal City, Texas, a suburb of
San Antonio. Retired from the military in 1996, for nine years he wrote
a dad's column originally called "Jeremy's Dad," then called
"Jeremyles' Dad," named after both his sons. He now writes a column in
San Antonio called "Men 2 Fathers." Archie also maintains the Fatherhood site,
you may contact him by email at
