In this day and age when divorce rates are increasing, family sizes are dwindling, and the workload at the job is never ending, it is a necessity for a married couple to spend time together. For some, it is a romantic evening out on the town. Maybe dinner and a movie, but above all, some time to talk and reconnect together, away from the noise of the children and the stress of the office.
For my wife and I, it is coaching a 5-7 year old soccer team. We have 2 children on the team this year, and this is our quality time together. After a frustrating loosing season a few years back I mentioned on the way home one evening that I should coach a team next year.
"That would be great, dad, can you coach my team?" The rest is history.
Coaching can be a stressful process in itself, but should above all else be fun. Coaching with a spouse is the same. It is the best of times. It is... well you get the picture.
Coaching an organized sports team with your spouse has many beneficial aspects to both individuals, as well as potential therapeutic qualities for your marriage. Of course, it can be disastrous if you are not completely prepared. So I have a critical rule for would be coaches to help them avoid being another sports related divorce statistic.
There is only coach.
You and your spouse must agree in advance on who is the Coach, and who is the Assistant Coach. This may not be as easy as it sounds, especially if you have children playing on the team. One possibility is to ask your child whom he or she wants as the Coach. This takes the pressure off of you and your spouse, but could cause some problems with the rest of the family. Your future All-Star will either a) pick one of you instantly which will cause issues later in the season on the sidelines (or later in the evening in the bedroom), or b) be too torn to make a decision and thus causing that deep-rooted psychological damage that we as parents fear we are inflicting on our children. (A side note on the psychological damage that we do to our kids: It is inevitable, and just be sure that you heap on just a little more than your parents did to you, so that they will have something to pass on to their kids.)
An easy out here is to announce to your spouse one evening that you have been asked to coach. The local Little League needs a coach or else they are going to have to drop a team from their schedule and those kids will be recruited into the inner city gang world, introduced to drugs and thievery, and then ask your oldest daughter out for a ride on his Harley, and of course she will want to go because he hangs out at the downtown tattoo parlor and has promised to get her a freebee. Be sure to tell your spouse that the league needs "a coach" for "a team", or else you may find yourself on opposing ends of Saturday afternoon's early game, and then you may as well get the spare sheets out of the closet and prepare your sofa bed as soon as you get home.
Hopefully your spouse will agree that you need to coach, then you can say you need an Assistant Coach, and it would be great to spend that quality time together and that there is no one else in the sports world that you would want to be standing in ankle deep mud on the sidelines with yelling at a dozen 5-year-olds in the middle of a thunderstorm than your eternal soul mate. Enjoy the rest of your evening after that.
And remember, when you want the right answer, "Go Ask Your Dad" Michael lives in Jonesborough, TN, with wife Heather, and children,
Ashley, Dylan, Hannah, Emily, and Anthony, and is currently completing
his first book of fatherly parental advice, The Great All-American Dad
Misconceptions. "Go Ask Your Dad" is a syndicated column that tackles
the difficult sports related issues that have been asked of a father of
5 over the years through a humorous perspective. There are always sage
(even if not completely practical) answers when you "Go Ask Your Dad".
Any comments and questions can be sent to Michael Vaughn at
, and other sports articles can be read at www.tricitiessports.com
