The world is full of different ways people greet each other. In
Asia, two friends will bow, and in Russia, they'll hug and kiss each
other on both cheeks.
In order to navigate from one culture to the next, therefore, it's
important to know and understand which greetings work well and how to
avoid any misunderstandings. After all, it's not apropos for a
man to kiss like a Russian when greeting truckers at a Pittsburgh
coffee shop.
I've been discovering lately that it's equally important to understand
the greeting process with children. As different as cultures can
be around the globe, that's also true for the ages and stages our
children go through. For example, toddlers get a kick out of all
types of greetings. They especially like to rub noses as if they
were Eskimos saying 'hello' to each other. Try that in public
with your teenage son, however, and you'd better hope he isn't holding
anything sharp.
Currently, I am learning the greeting customs of my pre-teen daughter,
Claire. She's 12 and she can no longer see me when she's in
public. Apparently, I'm invisible. I don't get it - the
opthamologist assured me that there's nothing wrong with her eyes.
When she was a toddler, Claire was the first to greet me when I came
home from work. She'd get a running start as I pulled into the
driveway so that by the time I opened the front door, she was moving at
roughly 60 miles per hour - her arms stretched out for a hug - headed
straight for my trick knee. It was a joyous homecoming every
day. She'd pepper me with kisses and hugs - as I fought for
air. It was great.
I still get kisses from her...as long as no one she knows or who knows
someone she knows or looks like someone she knows is within a 20-mile
radius.
I hear this is just a stage she's going through, and believe me I want
to be supportive of her feelings and space. I'm just new to this,
and I am learning as I go. I am sure some of you parents out
there have already passed through this stage and, therefore, maybe you
can answer a few of my questions, like: How much space am I supposed to
give a twelve year old who doesn't want anyone to know she has
parents? A few feet? Twenty yards? A time zone?
What happens if I need to ask her something but she's with her friends? Do I pay a kid to slip her a note?
Dear Claire. Dinner is at six. Please let me know if you are
joining us by nonchalantly tugging at your left ear. Don't worry,
I'll see you do this because I'm the guy in the corner hiding behind
the fern. Love. Dad.
Or what happens if I bump into my daughter and her friends at the
library and it's obvious that we are related because grandma is with me
and she shouts loudly: "Look Ken, it's Claire Bear."
Do I hurry grandma behind the reference desk? Can old people move that fast?
I'm quite confused. Of course, I asked my daughter what she'd
like me to do about these issues, but unfortunately I had to tell her
that I'm really not in the position to avoid leaving the house.
I bet they've got it easier in Russia.
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Ken Swarner writes the syndicated humor column Family Man.
He can be seen at www.kenswarner.bigstep.com or at
This material is copyrighted, and is intended for private use. No part
of this can be published in any format without written permission from
Ken Swarner.
