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Interview: Dads with MS: True Inspirations |
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Written by Fatherville Interview
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Gary Heimbach and Jacob Bell, like most healthy men, never imagined getting a disease like multiple sclerosis. Once diagnosed, however, they never imagined how much good could come out of it.
Multiple sclerosis is a chronic, progressive disease of the central nervous system that affects an estimated 400,000 Americans, according to the National MS Society. For Jacob Bell and Gary Heimbach, it was a life changing diagnosis. The once on-the-go men dealt with severe physical problems that included numbness, muscle weakness, pain and complete lack of coordination. Instead of giving into the disease, they decided to put all their energy into finding ways to manage it, and found great doctors and a medicine called Rebif to help along the way.
Gary Heimbach (Broken Arrow, Oklahoma) was a self-confessed workaholic. Career driven and working the long hours required to climb the corporate ladder, he allowed little time for family and other personal interests. After all, that is how he thought a man was supposed to care for his family. It wasn't until he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis that his true priorities came to light.
Jacob Bell (McKinney, Texas) has always been a sports enthusiast. Recruited to play football at Oklahoma State University, and later working as a personal trainer while attending Texas Tech University, Jacob always placed importance on maintaining his physical health. He learned that he had multiple sclerosis after he began having numbness, tingling and heaviness in his feet, which eventually spread up to his waist.
In addition, both Gary and Jacob have found new inspiration by helping other MS patients and by taking on roles as MS LifeLines Ambassadors to help educate and motivate others like them. MS LifeLines™ is a free resource sponsored by Serono and Pfizer, developed with the guidance of people with MS - for people with MS. More information is available at www.MSLifeLines.com and by calling 1-877-447-3243.
Fatherville: How did you find out you had MS?
Gary: I was on an outing with my youngest son Grant who won an essay contest with the national turkey federation and the grand prize was a one-week all expense paid trip to their headquarters in South Carolina. We spent the majority of the time in the woods learning about wildlife and hunter safety. We had an early flight back to Oklahoma and during the plane ride my left arm started to experience some numbness. I thought that maybe I had pinched a nerve. When we arrived home I was very tired and wanted to take a nap. By the time I awoke all of my left side was completely numb. I handled the situation in the typical tough guy manner and reported nothing to my family. Days later my wife asked what was bothering me. She said that she had noticed that I was walking with a limp and that I was acting strange and my temper was very short. So I confessed. We went to the hospital emergency room on a Sunday and the place was a zoo. They really couldn't find anything wrong but because I had spent time in the woods they thought that maybe it could be rocky mountain spotted tick fever. We left the hospital and contacted our family physician the next day. A MRI was ordered and after reading the results my family doctor knew the problem was out of his league and he wanted me to see a neurologist right away.
The neurologist preformed a battery of tests, he left the room to review the MRI for a second time. When he returned he broke the news that I had multiple sclerosis. He said that when he looked at the MRI he could see old lesions and a very large number of new and active lesions (June 16, 1999).
Jacob: I had an exacerbation where I went numb from the waist down. I went to see a chiropractor who told me to see a doctor. The doctor sent me to a neurologist. The neurologist performed some tests and then ordered an MRI, which confirmed the diagnosis.
Fatherville: Do you recall the first thing that went through your mind when you found out?
Gary: I stopped hearing, the doctor was still talking but I could not hear any words. The room started to close in. I got tunnel vision, the weight of the world came crashing down on my shoulders. I could only see my wife standing in front of me. She was crying, I was crying. A picture flashed in my mind of a person in a wheel chair. Was that going to be me? I could only think that life, as I knew it, was over and a life of disability was about to start.
Jacob: What is MS exactly? What does this mean for my future? Will this exacerbation go away? I can't believe that I'm having to deal with this at such a young age.
Fatherville: How has having MS clarified your purpose as a father?
Gary: Before my diagnosis of MS I was a work alcoholic, my job came first. I now realize that your job does not even come a close second to your priorities to your family. When all the chips are down, it will be your family that's there supporting and comforting you in your time of need. Your family must be the first priority in your life.
Jacob: I don't think it has caused me to alter my parenting too much. I feel that my job is just like any other father's should be, and that is to provide in the best way possible for your child. Having MS has only made me become more precise in planning for the future, and it has also made me take better care of myself.
Fatherville: Once you found out did you immediately tell your friends and family?
Gary: Yes, I did tell family and friends.
Jacob: I immediately told my family and my close friends. The rest of my friends found out over time. I stay positive around my friends and family and don't make a big deal about having MS. Things between us aren't really much different than before I was diagnosed.
Fatherville: As a father what has changed in your day to day routine as a result of having MS?
Gary: As a father I always felt that it was my job to do all maintenance chores around the house. I now realize that it is OK to ask for help. Your children feel good when they see you releasing some of the responsibility to them and that they can really help you.
Jacob: I haven't allowed MS to alter my daily routine or get in the way of anything that I want to do as a father. I keep a positive and driven mindset because I have many things I'm trying to accomplish at this point in my life and I don't have time to slow down. The only thing that it has made me do is make more time to go to the gym and be more conscious of making healthy choices so I can continue to do well.
Fatherville: In what ways do kids benefit from a parent having MS?
Gary: (Answered by Gary's youngest son Grant, aged 21): I get to spend more time with my father just doing everyday things. He used to work all the time, but now we have time to go on vacation and he enjoys every minute he has with us. He wants to do everything that he didn't have time to do when we were growing up.
Jacob: The parent will probably value their time with their children more and not take it for granted. It also can benefit your children because it forces you to better prepare for their future and take care of things that you might have otherwise put off.
Fatherville: Share with us something we probably don't know about living with MS.
Gary: Living with MS gives you a sense of humor!
Jacob: Having MS isn't a huge downer for me, it just motivates me to get things done and not put things off. I have been fortunate enough to keep my good health and I want to make the best of it.
Fatherville: Currently, what is your biggest MS related challenge?
Gary: Fatigue is the biggest challenge for me at this time.
Jacob: Just making sure I get enough rest. I have a pretty busy life and I try to pack a lot of things in. I have to remind myself to slow down sometimes and get the rest I need to stay healthy.
Fatherville: I've heard that 'unpredictability' is a big frustration for many people who live with MS. If that is true how has it manifested in your life?
Gary: Yes, my life is unpredictable - Will I have enough energy to get through the day? Will I have bladder problems today? Will I fall down today? Will I still be able to walk next week? Living with MS you have to take each day as it comes to you and roll with the punches and pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going and never give up.
Jacob: I've learned that with MS you never know what you are going to get, but that's just the nature of the disease. I refuse to let tomorrow's uncertainty interfere with me living a productive life today. I feel that this is the only way to approach this unpredictability. If I have an exacerbation tomorrow, then I'll deal with it then, but I'm not going to waste my time worrying about it now.
Fatherville: What single message would you like to share with others about MS?
Gary: You must make confidence and determination a part of your treatment program!
A quote from Norman Cousins who was the editor for the Saturday review magazine: "Since the human body tends to move in the direction of its expectations - it is important to know that attitudes of confidence and determination are no less a part of the treatment program than medical science and technology."
Jacob: Having MS doesn't have to be the end of the world. It has been a motivator for me to live my life better. Take care of yourselves and don't take life for granted because you never know what tomorrow holds.
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