Although the holidays are now a long past memory, I have come to the conclusion about something pretty serious. I believe it is serious on both a social and moral level.
That is, way too many parents and their kids have become increasingly spoiled and ungrateful. I say this because I am absolutely amazed by the fact that kids today watch present after present after present enter their home, but then, and almost on cue, no small thank you cards leave the home. Not even a card via email. It's as if the receivers of presents and their parents are somehow much more important and worthy of attention than are any and all senders of presents.
Come to think of it, it really doesn't matter if we're talking about Christmas, other winter holidays, or even birthdays. The truth is the truth. Right is right. Wrong is wrong. And of course, the more things change, the more they stay the same. When it comes to teaching your kids how to say thank you, either you're a good parent or you're not. Either you have made a choice to raise grateful kids, or have chosen (for whatever ill reason) to raise flat out ungrateful kids.
Here's my mantra for 2007. Do what you want with it. Here goes: teach your children how to say thank you, and accept nothing less. Period. Certainly, kids have the ability and the time to say thank you. Saying thank you is not just a real life example of showing respect for others, it is actually a wonderful chance to show respect for yourself. even kids, right smack in the middle of opening present after present after present, have a little voice in them that is telling them - "You better make sure you say thank you for all of this!" Or am I just insane? Beyond old fashioned? Way beyond - old school?
Perhaps I am, but what of it? You're clearly not doing your job as a parent of any stripe or gender if you watch your kids receive presents every year, and your kids know you don't expect them to express a written and oral thank you. Teach your kids how to say thank you. Do this. And don't even try to tell me with a straight face that you and your kids (over-scheduled or not) have no time to do it. Here's the rub. If you can't do the simple thing I am about to tell you, it's likely because you are extremely jaded.
The day before a big holiday or a birthday comes, go out and buy a box or two of small thank you cards. Grab a book of postage stamps as well. Bring your kids with you so that they can see you purchase these items. Then, they will know how to do it next year. They will see that expressing thank you is one of those "you're expected to do" things within, oh say, two weeks from the date a present is received. Hey, life is filled with such things. Kind of makes the world a better place.
So, what's the issue? Kids fully understand that when their birthday and other holidays comes around, this means it's time to receive and open presents. This remains an excellent opportunity for kids to express gratitude. Respect. Love. The good stuff. Kids ultimately grow, mature, and are more pleasant to be around, when they say and "write" thank you on a regular basis. It's not complicated. Not one bit.
Here's something to think about. There's always time to say thank you. Drop the attitude. Again, if you and your over-scheduled kids kids have the audacity to state and believe that there is no time to fit in sending out thank you cards via email or snail mail every year, there is your proof positive with a capital P that something needs to change ASAP in your home. Doesn't really matter if you make a quarter of a million dollars a year. Doesn't really matter if you are working 2-3 jobs just to make ends meet. Expressing a short meaningful thank you, particularly in a thank you card, is like the social glue that has the power to keep families across the miles together.
Sure, sometimes a thank you card is forgotten or mailed out three weeks after the fact. No one and nothing is perfect. We're not meant to be ultra rigid or ultra sensitive. But I am convinced that these days we are at a sad state of social and moral affairs. Being ungrateful is no longer the social exception to the rule. It's fast becoming the leading rule. I mean, if you raise enough of a stink about bad parenting and ungrateful kids, you are often the one who appears to have lost it at some significant level.
This isn't the case at all. Nice try. When you hear or see something that does not make any sense, you need to speak up. Especially, if it has become a trend and a sick lifestyle. And I believe a sick lifestyle is in place when parents and their kids show no expression of gratitude for presents received from others. Think about it. You know you are dealing with a bad parent, (of any stripe or gender), and an ungrateful kid, when year after year after year, you are actually the one who always has to ask if your present was received. You always have to ask, because yet again, no one says anything about the present to you!
Well, I've got my mantra for 2007 and beyond, and I'm sticking to it. I don't want to hear anymore nonsense about a chic mental disorder and pill for every parent and kid in America to help deal with "things" like concentration. I want to start hearing right now that maybe, just maybe, parents and their kids can find the heart, soul, and social class within themselves that knows enough to concentrate for a moment and - say/write "thank you." Put down the video game and television remote for a few minutes, for crying out loud. Do what you need to do.
Send out a thank you card to someone that showed you that they love you.
Or is this simply way too much to ask? Tony Zizza is a free-lance writer who lives in Atlanta, GA. He writes frequently about family and social issues. Reach him via email:
