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Promoted to Parent: Deployed Dads Talk About Fathering From Afar |
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Written by Ellen Maurer
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ABOARD USNS COMFORT (NNS) -- Mess Specialist 3rd Class David Cargo
shifts in his seat with his eyes determinedly focused on the
flat-screen television in front of him. His facial expressions shift
through a kaleidoscope of emotions, from anticipation to impatience.
Then a picture appears, and instantly, his eyes light up as they
capture the first images he'll ever see of his twin baby boys - Xavier
Giovanni and Elijah Corree.
Born at the National Naval Medical Center (NNMC) in Bethesda, Md., just
a couple of days earlier, their births come almost a full two months
into Cargo's deployment aboard Navy hospital ship USNS Comfort (T-AH
20). Through the hospital ship's video teleconferencing (VTC) system,
usually used for training and medical consultation, Cargo gets to see
his sons and talk to his fiancée for the first time since delivery.
"I saw pictures already, but this is much better," says Cargo of the
live video teleconference. "When you look at them this way, you can see
them move and see their features... I want to see which one looks more
like me."
Although Cargo admits he was surprised when he originally found out he
and his fiancée were having twins, he wasn't surprised about his
deployment aboard Comfort. Setting sail Jan. 6 to the Arabian Gulf
region in support of Operation Enduring Freedom, Cargo had been on
stand-by for this mission for several months.
When Comfort's call to duty finally came, the time between the issue of
orders and the ship's exodus from Baltimore, Md., was only a matter of
days. For Cargo, preparations for parenthood shifted into preparations
for possible war.
Cargo's story is not an uncommon one. As Navy men and women carry on
the mission throughout the fleet, families back home carry on their
"missions," too. Life - in its many facets of beginnings, endings and
all possible events in between -- continues, despite the distance or
duration of deployment.
From aboard Comfort, thousands of miles from home, Cargo and others are
finding ways to bridge the gap between "The Gulf" and the family.
"I think it's a real asset to have the kind of technology available
where we can do things from the sea, such as video teleconferencing,"
says Comfort Chief Information Officer Lt. David Felton. "Back when I
first joined the Navy, guys that became dads during a float had to wait
until the end of the deployment to see their babies. I remember when it
used to be that when we pulled into home port, they let the new moms on
the ship first. Now, in many aspects, they don't have to wait to see
their kids, and I think that's great."
Felton adds that giving deployed dads a way to connect with their
newborns is also beneficial to the Navy. "I think that giving them a
chance to actually see their new babies and know that mom is alright,
helps them stay focused on the mission out here."
Staying focused on the mission - of being a father and a Sailor - is
something Machinist's Mate 2nd Class (SW) Eric Baker, a Comfort crew
member who works in the ship's oxygen plant, has learned during his
six-year career in the Navy. Having become a new father while he was at
a Navy training school two years ago, Baker joined his wife in the
delivery room via a cell phone as she had his son, Brye. Recently, as
his wife, Missi, gave birth to their second child Jan. 31, Baker stayed
connected through an Internet instant messenger service, typing for
nearly five hours as his wife labored and delivered 8-lb, 7-oz Angeleah
Mae Sue.
"My wife's little joke is to say that we're going to keep having kids
until I can be there for one," says Baker, with a slightly nervous
laugh. "But that sounds like it would get too expensive."
All joking aside, Baker insists his Navy career is not at the cost of
his children. He says he finds way to connect with his kids and keep
his father role, regardless of whether he's home or not.
"Missi and I e-mail everyday and talk on the phone a lot, too. We still
make parenting decisions together - everything from bedtime schedules
to how to get my son to pick up his toys...I send them pictures via
e-mail and they make home videos for me...I leave messages on their cell
phone sometimes, so my little man can listen to them whenever he starts
hollering for me," says Baker. "In some ways, though, it hasn't really
hit me yet that I have a daughter. I think the whole thing with me
being away is actually harder on my 2-year-old."
Ultimately, whether fathers in the Navy are there to witness the birth
and beginning months of their childrens' lives is not what determines
if they will be good parents, says Cargo and Baker. Even serving full
careers in the Navy, when the mission is sure to take them away from
home - time and time again - does not impede their parental roles; it
just alters them a little.
"Some days, I wonder whether I'm doing the right thing, or if I'm doing
enough. But, there will come a day when I can sit down with my kids and
really talk to them. And I think they'll have respect for my decisions
and understand why I wasn't always "there" all the time," confesses
Baker. "Ultimately, we all do the best we can."
________________________________________________________________________________
Ellen Maurer is a Journalist 2nd class aboard the USNS Comfort Public Affairs
For related news, visit the USNS Comfort (T-AH 20) Navy NewsStand page at .
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