The morning is a very busy time for me. I get up early to ride my bike
so I can be back home in time to shower and get dressed before my twin
19 month-olds wake up. The morning provides some of the few moments I
get with my children during the week - and it gives my wife a few
precious extra minutes of sleep since she spends all day with them by
herself.
But of course once they're up I am still trying to eat my breakfast,
get their milk and all the other things I need to do to get out of the
house on time. So while it is special time, it can also be stressful
time. Even after my wife wakes up, it is still pretty hectic because
when she comes into the playroom, I usually rush off to take my
vitamins and brush my teeth. After a minute or so I can usually see the
face of my little boy looking up at me - he wants to watch Daddy.
I'm embarrassed to say my initial reaction to this was annoyance. I'm
in a rush and am doing everything I can to get out of the house on time
to catch my train and his presence impedes that process. I would lose
time and also lose what little privacy remains when you have two
toddlers. If I just did what I had to do, I would find myself
constantly trying to avoid tripping over him. If I picked him up and
brought him to his mother, he would show up outside the bathroom door a
minute later - depending on how long it took him to wriggle out of
Mommy's arms. That's when it hit me. He's not trying to be annoying;
he's trying to learn how to be just like Daddy, just like me.
So after kicking myself for being an idiot, I began to realize the
potential. Here was my little boy, looking to me, fascinated with the
things I did because he wants to be just like Daddy. I was overwhelmed
by a combination of terror and joy. Elijah has no idea the mistakes I
make every day, that I'm just an average guy making my way through
life. And he doesn't care whether I feel worthy enough to be his role
model - it's too late. I already am.
Now my morning routine is changing. When I take my vitamins, he wants
to take his, too. After I finish brushing my teeth and rinse my mouth,
I help him to rinse his mouth and wipe it with my towel. He absolutely
loves it. After I brush my hair, he wants to do the same and walks
around carrying this brush the size of his head trying to brush it.
Utterly adorable. Not surprisingly, my relationship with Elijah has
never felt stronger than it does now and it is in no small part because
of the realization of what he was really doing.
I still wonder… does he understand on some level that I'm male and he
is too, and that's why he watches me so intently while my daughter
doesn't? What does he think about while he watches? Am I doing enough
for him, enabling him to feel the same strong connection I now feel
with him? I certainly hope so. I have learned, though, that there are
times when it is better to ask fewer questions than more when it comes
to being a parent. What I do know is, when I leave the room to brush my
teeth, I look for him, waiting to hear the little patter of his feet,
waiting to see his beautiful brown eyes staring up, hoping he will be
right behind me. Jeremy Schneider is a dad and earned his
master's in marriage and family therapy from Hahnemann University in
Philadelphia. Mr. Schneider was founder and executive director of
Empowering Children and Families, a Philadelphia-based non-profit
organization fostering the confidence in individuals to create stronger
families from 1994 - 1998. He currently sees clients in Manhattan and
has written a series of articles on his experiences as a father of
twins born in December 2002. He lives in Long Island with his wife,
Giokazta (pronounced Jo-casta), and their boy-girl twins, Elijah and
Jordyn. For more information, visit www.jgs.net or to contact him
directly, email him at
