When I was a young boy, I remember dreaming about what I would wish for
when I found the magic lamp. If offered the proverbial three wishes, I
would often dream about what I would wish to have, what I would wish to
do, and where I would wish to go. But, what I would have wished for
when I was eight, is not what I would have wished for on the day that
my daughter, Kristina, was born with cerebral palsy and "significant"
cognitive delays. Today, I am thankful that I did not have access to
the magic lamp on that evening eleven years ago. Because, what I would
wish for now, is not what I would have wished for then. After learning
a great deal from my daughter and the rest of my family over the last
ten years, today...
1. I wish that Kristina be treated as an individual -- not pigeon holed
as the end result of batteries of tests taken over the length of her
life. I wish for her doctors, therapists, teachers, social workers and
aides to see that she is more than numbers on a graph or points on a
line... that her tests measure what she may do, not what she will do. I
wish that they would see the person that she is -- so different from
the dozens that they see every day, or the thousands they see every
year. I wish that they would see the freckle faced, bony kneed,
giggling little girl with all opportunities ahead of her, not
patient/client #xxxxxxx with all her limitations bound to her like
shackles.
2. I wish that Kristina will have the tools she will need to live her
life to her fullest extent. I wish that she will have an adequate
education to prepare her for her life ahead, that she will have the
equipment... computers, walkers, wheelchairs and braces... she needs to
function, and that she will have the community... friends, teachers,
therapists, and aides she will need to grow and develop to her greatest
potential.
3. Lastly, I wish that Kristina will be cared for as long as she lives
-- by parents while we are alive, and by a loving circle of friends
when we are gone. I wish that she will be prepared to live in the
community - wherever that might be, and able to make a contribution to
society in a meaningful way to her. I wish she will be prepared
financially and emotionally to live her life fully, not to be dependent
on her brother and sister, but able to have what she needs without
worry to anyone for as long as she lives.
Some may question why I would not want to change Kristina into a
"normal" child. My other wishes would be unnecessary if I made that one
wish. To those I would answer that I have grown to know that Kristina
is normal. There is no other Kristina and could never have been. She
was born just the way she was intended to be. No amount of wishing can
ever change that -- even if I wanted to. I cherish who she is now and
what she will become, just as any proud parent would do.
John Cox
Malibu, CA
John Cox is a sales supervisor in Los Angeles. His wife Shelley works
for the HOPE Infant Family Support Program in Oceanside. In addition to
Kristina, they have two other children - nine-year old Kimberly, and
six-year old Travis. Kristina, now twelve, was born with cerebral palsy
and other significant challenges.
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