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My wife and I have adopted three children with disabilities, and are in
the process of adopting a fourth child with mild mental delays. We were
foster parents for many years for children with disabilities in the
State of Idaho. When we moved to Texas in 1975 we became foster parents
again. We have had many wonderful experiences and received a fine
education caring for these children. We became more and more
disillusioned with being foster parents after each child left our home;
it is hard to rear a child and have no say in what the future has in
store for these kids.
In 1981 my wife saw a child with a disability up for adoption from
Spaulding Southwest (now Spaulding for Children) on a segment,
"Wednesday's Child," on a local morning information show. This was an
attempt to place children that are hard to adopt (i.e., sibling groups,
older children, and children with disabilities) into a permanent home
atmosphere.
Paul, a spastic quadriplegic, with fetal alcohol syndrome causing
impulse control problems, was placed in our home in 1982. Paul is
fifteen, a real charmer who cares about people and has lots of
girlfriends. He enjoys school, doing his homework on our personal
computers, playing computer games, listening to music, coloring with
crayons and markers, swimming, and playing Nintendo. Last year he was a
member of the student council at Miller Intermediate in Pasadena,
Texas. Paul had wonderful foster parents and brothers during his
formative years. We attribute Paul's good personality in part to early
happy years in his foster home.
Christopher, thirteen, was placed in our home in 1985. He has severe
mental disability, mild autism, and a male linked recessive gene
anomaly causing small birdlike features. Christopher has much
difficulty with academic tasks; his core vocabulary is about eighty
words, and he uses about twenty on a regular basis. It take Christopher
about five years to gain six months worth of skills. He enjoys stacking
blocks (he can stack them for hours), playing in "his" backyard,
swimming, throwing just about anything (we have to be careful here),
looking through magazines for pictures about food, eating, going "bye
bye," and moving objects from one container to another. He hates going
to school and taking baths. I guess his list of hates could go on
forever, a problem with autistic children. Unlike his brother Paul,
Christopher went from one foster home to another, and he didn't have
any stability during his formative years. We have had a long hard
struggle to get Christopher to be able to play with other children,
rather than just hit them. We obtained a medium sized dog about a year
ago, and Christopher has come out of his autistic shell more because of
"his dog" than any therapy. This past year has brought him and us a lot
of joy.
Sheryl, nine, was placed in our home in 1987. She has retinopathy of
the premature, caused from being given oxygen at birth. She had a
cerebral hemorrhage at ten days of age causing cerebral palsy. Sheryl
is also non-verbal and has much difficulty with academic tasks. She was
born at six months, one week, and weighed less than two pounds. He
birth mother was in a Phenobarbital coma. She has very little say in
her small world, so she shows control by allowing or not deciding what
foods she eats. Sheryl used to go days without eating. We finally had
to have a gastrostomy tube installed through her stomach wall. She has
gained twelve pounds in the years since the tube was installed. Sheryl
enjoys listening to music and "reading tapes" for the blind, television
programs that have screaming (the more the better), some cartoons,
especially Roger Rabbit, animated Disney movies, baby dolls, and other
things that all little girls like. She had been placed in an adoptive
home prior to coming to our home. She came out of an institution where
she was fed formula for the first three years of her life. She had very
little nurturing during her formative years, and she was with us for
about a month before the sparkle started coming into her eyes as she
began to enjoy the personal contact of living in a nurturing atmosphere.
Kelly, five, was placed in our home in October of 1993. She has mild
mental delays caused by fetal alcohol syndrome. She has no apparent
physical problems, but she does have some impulse control problems, and
some problems with academic tasks. Kimberly enjoys playing in
"Christopher's backyard," playing on the swing, chasing the dog, and
running through the house and the backyard at top speed (she is very
athletic). She can dribble a basketball, swim, jump on a trampoline,
and she enjoys girls scouts and stuffed animals. She doesn't enjoy
television very much as she has a limited attention span.
Our journey has been full of trials, with illnesses and loss of friends
due to adopting children with problems. We have learned to become
advocates for our children's rights, especially when it is time for an
ARD (Admission Review Dismissal) to decide what our children are "not"
going to be offered during the next school year. Fighting with
insurance companies is ongoing because of the claim their policies do
not cover special needs children when it comes to extended support
services. My wife and I very seldom have the opportunity to get away
for an evening, so our stress level sometimes becomes very high.
As a father I have learned to be patient with my children while they
learn to overcome the problems that they encounter while dealing with
their disabilities. It isn't their fault they have a disability nor is
it fair they have been dealt the "hand" the game of life has given
them. But it is an opportunity for me and my wife to help these kids
develop to their fullest potential while educating them and our
community to accept persons with disabilities. We both do volunteer
work in a variety of community organizations.
We have learned that a parent has to know what the laws really say in
relation to children with disabilities, because no one but you has your
child's best interest in mind. We have learned from these children that
no matter what problems an individual has, we all have potential, are
capable of loving and giving love, and deserve the right to grow up in
a home of caring family support.
Anthony H. Griffin via Fathers Network
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