|
|
 |
Relating to daughters doesn't come natural to many of us, but we can
learn to connect in an affirming way. We testosterone-filled males can
relate well to girls, and it doesn't require a huge adjustment in our
approach. We have so much potential power to influence their
self-esteem, their independence, and their healthy body image. Many
experts are even finding that our masculine approach is a big benefit
with daughters, not a hindrance.
Here are five key things that daughters need from their dads, based on research among several thousand dads:
1. Guidance
Jeremiah 6:16 says, "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the
ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it." As a girl
matures, she comes to some significant crossroads. There are important
life decisions ahead, and she needs the benefits of her dad's life
experiences and wisdom as she considers options and thinks through
possible consequences of her choices. That's right; we are "the ancient
paths" of wisdom for our daughters.
We might tend to think more about guiding our sons, and letting Mom
have those important talks with our daughters. But girls need their
dad's perspective as well.
First, guiding means discerning what's right in the midst of all the
gray areas in our culture. Young women are under a lot of pressure to
look, act, and be a certain way—to maintain a certain image. They also
face expectations in regard to their future aspirations. Often, we men
can bring an analytical approach to help clarify the picture and guide
them along.
We can also guide through correction. Guidance really is the ultimate
goal of discipline. Enforcing limits and consequences is important, but
especially with daughters we need to make sure we're also communicating
about why they're being corrected, and letting them know clearly that,
though their behavior may be unacceptable, we will always love and
accept them as our children.
We also guide our daughters through teaching. That doesn't mean you
have permission to start lecturing your daughter. Especially when they
are teenagers, kids rarely learn from a lecture. Instead, focus on
listening, and be actively involved in helping her learn—accompanying
her and assisting her in her adventures and pursuits.
2. Encouragement
When it comes to our daughters' self-image, we're a huge influence—and
it goes deeper than appearance. Girls feels pressure to be smart, thin,
pretty, and involved in certain activities. We have the ability to make
our daughters feel beautiful, inside and out. First, we need to become comfortable affirming them verbally—giving
thoughtful, clear, specific blessings that say, "You can do it," or
simply, "I love you." That does include pointing out beautiful physical
features, but it's so much more. Compliment character qualities like
emotional strength, a sense of humor, loyalty, intelligence and
courage. Most of all, make it clear that, even without those features,
you'd still love her just as much.
Get involved in her pursuits. Show that she is worth investing your
time and energy. Spend time just hanging out together, and be
intentional about bringing fun and humor to her life. Demonstrate confidence in her abilities. You might share something
you're working on and ask her opinion, or give her a challenging
assignment and express trust that she can handle it. One woman who's an
engineer told me, "Dad demonstrated that there was nothing I couldn't
do because I was a girl." If your daughter knows that you think of her
as a future achiever, that can change her whole outlook on the future.
3. Comfort
Moms are great at giving comfort, but as
servant-leaders in our households, our daughters are looking to us for
it as well. 2 Corinthians chapter 1 describes "the God of all comfort,"
who
comforts us so that we can pass His comfort along to those around us.
It's a great picture of how God can use His people to reach out to the
hurting. As fathers, he wants us to reach out in love and gentleness
and touch the hearts of our daughters.
The ability to comfort can be a huge asset to our relationships with
our daughters—especially after a disappointment or a heated
confrontation. If you have a tense relationship with your daughter, it
isn't easy to dive in and start comforting her.
Maybe dads can start by building a foundation for that comfort in other
ways—like showing more physical affection on an everyday basis. Do nice
things for her. Make her laugh! Really listen when she's talking. Write
her short notes or e-mails where you bless her and talk about your
hopes for her life. There are ways to build the kind of relationship
where comforting your daughter is more natural.
4. Vision
Vision has to do with the attitudes a dad conveys about who his
daughter is and what she can become. If we're negative or even
uncertain about our daughters' future, that can be devastating. For
example, a dad might tell his daughter, "Don't worry about doing well
in geometry; it might be over your head." Well, obviously she'll
associate math with frustration—and maybe all her classes will suffer.
Or he might say, "Go easy on the sweets, Honey. You know boys don't
date overweight girls." There's a good chance she will prove him right.
Or, she may become obsessed with proving him wrong and take any
measures to be thin. Or, going a step further, she might throw herself
at the first boy that shows her some positive attention.
Our daughters' ability to achieve their potential depends in part on
our resolve to appreciate them and cast a positive vision for their
future. In practical terms, we can watch and take note of a daughter's gifts
and aspirations. Or just ask her, "What are your dreams?" Then be ready
to listen and encourage her.
Dads can also "speak destiny" to their daughters by making positive
comments that are specific to them. We don't want to place expectations
on them, but cast a hopeful vision. You might say, "God has given you
such a sensitive heart. I wouldn't be surprised if you end up helping a
lot of people in your lifetime." It needs to be honest and from the
heart. Just tell her that God has great things in store for her.
Then, I'd say pray for her and support her goals and dreams. In many
little ways, our daughters are asking us, "What am I good at, Dad? What
do you see in me?" We need to be ready with words of hope and
encouragement. And also, we cast vision through our example. We can demonstrate real manhood for them.
5. Protection
We typically think of protection as defending our daughters' physical
safety, but there are also emotional, moral and spiritual dangers out
there. If we're fulfilling our role, our girls will have a sense
security even when we can't personally be there to protect them. First,
we need to be aware and guard against the many forces that could
threaten a daughter. There are people who could try to lure her into a
destructive lifestyle, or to follow a world-view that contradicts God's
word. Not to mention the violence and sex on TV, the Internet, in music
and movies. We have to be aware, and take appropriate action.
The second way is to be connected with her. It's so important to build
the kind of relationship that encourages her to come to you with
anything that's on her heart. If you communicate openly, you're likely
to notice warning signs sooner, and you can act on her behalf.
Third, prepare her to handle dangerous situations. We can't always be
there, but teaching our daughters skills is another way of protecting
them. We can talk through scenarios and help them think through
appropriate responses—whether it's calling 9-1-1 or changing a flat
tire. Or conversations like, "What happens when you lie to a friend?"
Or, "What do you suppose a teenage boy is thinking about when your
friend wears an outfit like that?" We should prepare them to handle an
uncomfortable dating situation, or an adult who does something
inappropriate. We need to teach them how to say "no."
And the last one is simply prayer. The thought of protecting our
daughters should be humbling, because we can't always be with them, and
we can't anticipate every danger. But thankfully, we have a heavenly
Father who can do all things. We should seek His protection daily for
our daughters.
________________________________________________________________________________
Article via Fathers.com
|
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
LATEST ARTICLES ON FATHERVILLE |
|
|
|
MOST RECENT FORUM POSTINGS |
|
|
|
MOST READ ARTICLES ON FATHERVILLE |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
