"You're never too old to learn something new. If you never listen
to your kids, you'll never learn from them. If you are still
alive, God is not done with you yet."
Think about these words, especially you fathers. As we approach
another summer with our kids, think about what lessons they are
learning, and what we are teaching them. And let's not forget,
what we can learn, and what we plan to do with the rest of the time we
have with them.
At 15, my son thinks he knows everything, until he encounters a
situation that his old dad helps him through. I'm unable at times
to know my own strength or weakness, but what I have observed and know
I try to tell him. In this process I am reminded how some of the
things I once believed have been transformed, are new, and in some
cases the same things, just with a different tune. I listen to
his music, the way I wished my parents had listened to mine.
I can't say "The Loco Motion," "Ain't to Proud to Beg," or the
twitching of Elvis below the belt damaged me for life. With that
it mind, I don't believe that some of the music he hears by ‘50 cent,'
Eminem, or Usher will scar him. That does not mean I don't try to
run interference. There is some dirty nasty music out
there. At times, I just turn off the radio. Point
made. The same goes for movies and TV shows. I know that if
I don't listen to some of it, or watch some of it, I can't relate to
either of our sons on how to decide what's good from what's bad.
Sometimes, some of the music is not that bad, and in the process, they
learn their own man can learn new things.
Their minds are still developing. I have to learn and accept
that. If I can't accept that as fact, then I'll forever be
chasing them with unrealistic aspirations they don't understand and to
which they can't relate. They're tortured by what they should or
shouldn't do. Some of the things they might want to do might be
the right thing, but if I don't give them a chance to control their
lives, then I will forever be responsible for the mistakes they make,
and as a father, I don't want that. I want men who can stand on
their own feet. I want men who can take care of themselves.
I want men who, if I need their help will know I'm capable of listening
and learning from them. Few dads have learned that skill even
today.
Life was not easy when I grew up. I dare say it's no easier for
them. As I tell my sons, I understand I may be giving them too
much information sometimes, and that their CPU is only programmed with
so many bytes they can handle. In the end, I tell them, after
each crash and reboot of their system, that they will be able to start
from where they left off, and know more with a better processor than
they had before they shut down.
What is that shut down like? It could be a yelling situation
where things got out of control. It could be a situation where
the teacher's patience just wore thin, and they couldn't handle another
student not living up to their potential. It could be a younger
brother letting out a ‘bad' word because he has not learned how to deal
with his anger yet. It could be any number of these things, but
the important lesson here, if our kids don't feel we listen to them,
they won't talk to us. If our kids don't feel we are willing to
learn from them, they won't attempt to teach us anything. And if
we don't realize that we have more to gain by listening, then we are
going to miss out on many of life's precious lessons taught to us by
our kids.
It was never a mistake that we have the children we do. God
planned it that way so for us to fully realize what He had in store for
us. We must remember He had delighted our lives with children who
are capable of showing us depths in our lives we would not even venture
to uncover, were it not for our children. Indeed, no one can love our
children as we can.
Therefore, we need to take the position God has for us. Accept certain
truism about our relationship with our sons and daughters. They
want us in their lives. They want us to tell them what's right
and wrong. They also want us to listen to their stories, because
sometimes, that's the only way God can get through to us.
Moreover, as long as we are alive, God is not finished with preparing
us to join Him on the other side....led by our children, based on how we
taught them. Think about it.
Archie Wortham lives with his wife, Suzan of 23 years, and their two
sons Myles (12), and Jeremy (16) in Universal City, Texas, a suburb of
San Antonio. Retired from the military in 1996, for nine years he wrote
a dad's column originally called "Jeremy's Dad," then called
"Jeremyles' Dad," named after both his sons. He now writes a column in
San Antonio called "Men 2 Fathers." Archie also maintains the Fatherhood site,
you may contact him by email at
