Tears Will Get You Sympathy. Sweat Will Get You Change
Written by Archie Wortham
"Tears will get you sympathy. Sweat will get you change," is something
one of my former bosses had outside his office. I think about
those words, and think about what teachers do to some of our boys.
Recently, after hearing one time too often how much some of his
teachers hated him, I told my son, to suck it up. Take control.
It's a fact. There will be people who will hate you...no matter what you
do. It's more of a fact if you are a minority and have a degree
of ambition. Some of you may disagree...and to you, I say some people are
just SOS: stuck on stupid. Life's not easy. The sooner our
kids learn that, and we tell them that, they can start learning how to
get out of our houses and on their
own.
As I listen to my sister revel in her latest incantation...I realized how
many times I'd been "stuck on stupid." Like just recently I sent
out a mass email for people on a reading list to pray for our
president. I added the caveat that regardless of how you felt,
this man and our country needed our prayers. Well needless to say
some person who was SOS chose to add his opinion. I was floored,
embarrassed, and for a moment...stuck on how stupid I could be naive
enough to not think that some people would allow pettiness or politics
to cloud over the desire to make the world better by simply asking for
people to pray for somebody. Some people are just evil.
We've all ran into these holier than thou types. I remember people in
high school couldn't get over how this one teacher treated me. I
couldn't get over that either. I never will forget one time in
her English class she told the class that I "always had a habit of
pushing myself where I wasn't wanted." I was 17 years old!
I was toward the end of my battles with all aspects of puberty. I
didn't live with my mom and dad. To hear this in front of my fellow
classmates, who didn't need one more reason to call me nerd..., was more
than I could take. Fortunately there were teachers in my high
school, who cared, and it was in the office of one of them, Mrs. Epps,
I was consoled, and told I just have to learn to deal with people who
don't like you. It's their problem...not yours. Rise above
it, and do what you can to take control of the situations.
I gave these words to my son. Knowing he was too young to fully
appreciate the audacity or shrewdness of it all, I shared with him how
we can make ourselves sympathetic. I shared with him how a little
bit of sweat could bring about change. I told him that with
horrid teachers...show them! Show them what you are made of.
Be all you can be. Do your work. Excel as best you can. Let
them take the knocks from those around him. If they are
unfair! People will notice. If they pick on you!
People will notice. If you rise above their expectation, do great
things, achieve success? The people that matter will notice.
Some teachers are mean. Many are in a power struggle, and have no
business in the classroom. And when kids don't tell their parents
what's going on, sometimes it's just too late to fix issues parents and
kids could have worked out together and won together. That's what
it's all about...winning, being successful, and yes, being in
control. So I told my son, and feel free to share this with your
sons and daughters, turn things around. How? By taking
control!
I told my son that a lot of times teachers destroy drive by having low
expectations. They push students to the limit by berating them,
and rather than having a prophecy of achievement, they have a prophecy
of failure. They have their favorites, and no matter what you
do...want...or how you try...you can't break the code. But what you can
do is your best.
I know that there are good teachers out there. Some of you
who are reading this are among them. But you also will agree
there are some wretched and wicked teachers who would give Harry
Potter's Snape, a run for his wicked wand.
Sweat indeed will get you change. Our kids need to realize many
of the things they have is because of the people who came before
them. Our kids need to realize, as Jesse Jackson states, crying
will indeed bring out the media as it did in New Orleans. People
will feel sorry for you for awhile, but like Picasso tells us,
"Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working." Indeed,
inspiration may come, but it takes work to make a masterpiece.
Parents, that's what we have: masterpieces. God was
selective in giving us the children He gave us. Our kids need to
know we are on their side. Their teachers need to know that the
parents are on their side. And more importantly, the kids need to
know, that they are in charge of their education. Teachers can't
take it away from them. As parents, we can't give it to
them. And the government cannot steal it from them...once they have
it. That's the bitter truth, and the sweat of change, as men
become fathers.
Archie Wortham lives with his wife, Suzan of 23 years, and their two
sons Myles (12), and Jeremy (16) in Universal City, Texas, a suburb of
San Antonio. Retired from the military in 1996, for nine years he wrote
a dad's column originally called "Jeremy's Dad," then called
"Jeremyles' Dad," named after both his sons. He now writes a column in
San Antonio called "Men 2 Fathers." Archie also maintains the Fatherhood site,
you may contact him by email at
