Being a stepfather can be difficult, especially if the children are
older when you join the family. You may also have your own children who
will still want your time. Children who have had time alone with their
mother often feel sad or cross about having someone else take some of
her time. Some children do not want anyone else to replace their own
dad's place in the family.
What you can do?
* Be prepared to spend your time getting to know your partner's children.
* Give the children time. You cannot take their dad's place, but you can still build a close relationship with them.
* Be a friend but don't crowd them.
* Plan household rules together with your partner and include the
children. The rules you decide on may be very different from what the
children are used to.
* Be wary about disciplining the children even if
their mother asks you to. It is usually better if parents discipline
their own children, especially at first.
* Talk with your partner about problems and work out together how you will deal with them.
* Let the children still have some time on their own with their mother without you around.
* Offer to do some things with the children yourself. Choose things they enjoy.
* Make sure that you have some special time with your own children,
too. It can be tricky making a place in your life for everyone, but it
is important to them that you are involved in their lives.
* Support your stepchildren in keeping contact with their dad if this is what they want.
* Children in stepfamilies often come and go between houses. You need
to be flexible to allow for this and be understanding of their feelings
as well as the behaviours that they might show before and after visits.
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