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What I'm about to tell you is critically
important. Over the past five months of being a new dad,
I've discovered the key to fatherhood — the secret to being
a really great dad. And I'm willing to share this
information with you for the low, low price of $19.99.
Just kidding. Like most occupations in life,
there is no "secret" to being really great at something.
In the case of fatherhood, the best dads seem to be the ones who
spend as much time as possible being a dad. There is no
substitute — not toys, not money, not ponies — for spending
time with your child.
I'm by no means an expert, but here are a
few other things I've learned in my short time as a father:
1. Take ownership of a "daddy job."
Identify one or more of the really thankless baby tasks and make
it your own. What most people call a "dirty diaper,"
my wife calls a "daddy diaper." I clean up the
baby's poop and it makes my wife's day so much more
enjoyable. Other good "daddy jobs" include being the
official baby photographer and being the official assembler of stuff
(cribs, toys, etc.).
2. Learn the baby lingo. A father who knows
baby terms impresses the heck out of people. Just a little
studying goes a long way. For instance, when your partner asks
your thoughts on a "convertible car seat," you'll
know not to get too excited. Purchasing a new ragtop is out of
the question at this time. She just wants to know if you like the
car seats that accommodate infants and toddlers. And, when you
tickle the newborn's feet and the baby flares his toes upward,
you can tell everyone you just administered the "Babinski reflex
test." No joke.
3. Be a grandparent ambassador. Believe me,
grandparents can be extremely helpful. That's why they call
them "grand." As a dad, reach out to them. If
they live in town, invite them over to visit or babysit. If they
live out of town, e-mail photos often. Just remember, don't
abuse the generosity of grandparents. Always leave them wanting
more.
4. Make time for your partner. You must make sure
that your relationship remains top priority. Get a babysitter
every now and then and get out of the house! Heck, arrange for
grandma and grandpa to come for a whole weekend (see #3) and get out of
town!
5. Unleash your creativity, not your wallet.
It's very tempting as a new dad to go out and buy your
little one everything in sight. Don't. First of all,
relatives and friends will undoubtedly shower you with more than enough
newborn gear. Second, babies just don't need that much
stuff. My five-month-old son is as equally enthralled by my
wiggling fingers in his face and making funky noises as he is with any
high-tech toy. Another rule of thumb, buy items as the child
grows and needs them, not months or years ahead of time.
6. Buy a good backpack for the baby stuff.
There's nothing worse than a father walking his baby around
town with a pink Hello Kitty diaper bag strapped around his neck. Come
on, now. Of the "must buys," this is one. Find
a nice black or navy blue backpack or diaper bag that is designed to
hold all the bottles, changing mats, etc. Lands' End
(www.landsend.com) offers the best selection I've seen.
7. Job share with your partner. Yes, raising
a baby takes a lot of work and, especially in the first few months, a
lot of odd hours. The worst scenario is to have both mom and dad
physically exhausted every day. I suggest some job sharing.
Split up the late-night shifts and be willing to pitch in on
housework and meal preparation.
8. Learn how to do everything with one hand.
Babies love to be held. Therefore, you'll need to
learn how to do things with one hand... prepare a bottle, write
checks, turn the channel, etc. Of course, there are limits to
this. For example, never, never attempt to eat dessert holding a
little one. Too many good pieces of blueberry pie have hit the
floor this way.
9. Finish big home projects before the baby
arrives. This one applies to new-dads-to-be and let me be blunt:
for goodness sake, do it now, man! Once the baby arrives,
you'll either be hiring someone to complete the project or
you'll be scheduling it for 2012.
10. Memorize a few signature songs.
It's a biological fact that women know the words to more
songs than men. While we were playing football in our youth, the
girls (one of whom is now the mother of your child) were off singing
and dancing. Since babies love to be sung to, you are seemingly
at a disadvantage. But don't despair. Knowing a few
signature songs will get you by. Sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Old MacDonald or whatever
else you know. Take this grand opportunity to take yourself less
seriously and focus on wackiness, laughter, and fun. There is no
joy quite like seeing your baby smile as you sing My Sharona. Enjoy.
Brian is the author of "The Newbie Dad," a monthly column appearing in
Western New York Family magazine (Buffalo, NY). The column has also
been read on National Public Radio's Morning Edition for member station
WBFO 88.7 FM in Buffalo and has been published in regional parenting
magazines in such cities as Charlotte, NC, Tulsa, OK, Milwaukee, WI,
and Rochester, NY. For more information or to contact Brian visit his website.
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