|
Whenever I think about the potential pain my wife
will be subject to during childbirth, I sidle up to her and lovingly
say, "honey, you're going through a lot to have this baby.
So, I think you've earned the right to make some decisions.
Actually, all the decisions. The baby's name, the type of
formula to use, which crib to buy, how to raise the child, where to
insert the thermometer, and which stroller, car seat, baby gate,
monitor, diaper bag, high chair, swingy chair and bouncy chair to
register for. All the decisions."
I know, I know, I'm a selfless sort.
Generously giving away all those rights — nice, huh?
Well, just because our baby wasn't born yesterday, that
doesn't mean my wife was. She knows better and, giving me
the hairy eyeball, responds, "yeah right, you're not
getting off the hook that easily, mister."
It's true, there are a lot of decisions to
make when a baby is on the way. And with about two months to go
until I become a first-time dad, I feel like the President (or at least
the Vice President) of the Umbilical States of America. The
welfare of our little constituent depends on sound decisions based on
rational thinking — which is a lot to ask of a guy who put a
child's diaper on backwards the one and only time he ever
babysat.
The trouble is, most questions don't have a
simple answer. They may seem to — but they don't.
When people find out you're expecting a baby, they fire the
three most common warning shots. So, do you know what
you're having? Did you pick out names yet? Are you going to
breastfeed the baby? That's when you realize that
you're in for it.
Do we know what we're having? The seemingly simple answer: no, we're
going to wait and be surprised. The real answer: Holy cow, I have
no idea what we're having! A human, I hope. Maybe a
momma's boy, maybe daddy's little girl. Maybe a
sleeper, maybe a crier. Maybe a kid of average intelligence,
maybe a freakishly smart wonderchild. Maybe a pint-size rebel who
eschews Pokeman and the Wiggles, maybe a future Wiggle (heaven help
us).
It's sort of scary and exhilarating when you
think about it. This not-yet-born baby could turn out to be
anything. It's also tremendous pressure knowing that
whether it's nature or nurture that forms a child, my wife and I
are responsible on both accounts.
Did we pick out names yet? Ah, another good question. Simple answer: yes,
Erin for a girl, Andrew for a boy. Now, run that simple answer
past the family and see how complex the matter becomes.
"Hey everyone, we've decided on names! If
it's a girl, we'll name her Erin." To which we
hear, "oh, I love that. It's so cute."
"And if it's a boy, Andrew." To which we
hear a much less enthusiastic, "hmmm."
Now afflicted with doubt about the boy's name, we go back to do
more research. I head to the library and withdraw a weighty tome called
The Baby Name Countdown. This book lists 120,000 baby names.
That's right, one hundred and twenty thousand names! I
didn't know there were 120,000 words in our language. Of course,
I recognize about 1,000 names in the book. The other 119,000
"names" looked like the author played an excruciatingly long and highly
contentious game of Scrabble. Is "Zenevieva" really a name?
I don't know, but it's a triple word score.
So, on second thought, we opened the issue up for
discussion. My mother-in-law called our house intermittently with
ideas. I'd pick up the phone and Deep Throat would mutter,
"Devin," or "Glenn" or "Neil."
My father-in-law, a big fan of the long-ago New York borough
baseball rivalry, chipped in with Pee Wee, Willie, Mickey and the Duke.
All of this helped us make a decision — we've decided
to stick with Andrew.
Are we going to breastfeed the baby? Extremely simple answer to the question that even
strangers don't find too embarrassing to ask: well, I know I
won't be breastfeeding, but you'll have to ask the wife.
Not-so-simple answer: after careful consideration, we've
decided to bottlefeed. We're both more comfortable with it
and we've been assured that the baby will not mutate after a few
sips of formula. It will also give yours truly a little more
bonding time with the new one. OK, I guess that decision
wasn't too difficult.
I'm not technically a parent yet, but
I'm already learning that this job is all about decision making.
As a father — and as a mother — I guess the best you
can do is be there and do the best you can. Make decisions that you believe are right, but
be open to advice. At least that's the theory.
I'll let you know how it works out for me.
Brian is the author of "The Newbie Dad," a monthly column appearing in
Western New York Family magazine (Buffalo, NY). The column has also
been read on National Public Radio's Morning Edition for member station
WBFO 88.7 FM in Buffalo and has been published in regional parenting
magazines in such cities as Charlotte, NC, Tulsa, OK, Milwaukee, WI,
and Rochester, NY. For more information or to contact Brian visit his website.
|
