|
The other day, I was speaking with an acquaintance
of mine over the phone and he asked me how my life as a
"househusband" was going. He didn't say this
with any ill will or malice; he just really wanted to know how I was
enjoying staying at home with my three-month-old son.
To my ears, however, it was as if he had just
asked me how my new skirt fit or how I enjoyed the pedicure. I
imagined him laughing obnoxiously and making some obscene gestures on
the other end of the line. I wanted to get in the car, drive to
his office, and sock him in the mouth. That is, until he repeated
in all seriousness, "So, how is it going?"
OK, I may be a tad sensitive to this
staying-at-home-with-the-baby thing. A big part of the problem is
that I still don't know exactly what to call myself. And
believe me, when you're a dad who stays home, you find yourself
constantly explaining who you are to everyone. People are
fascinated by a man with a baby. Go to the grocery store on a
Wednesday morning and it's "oh, do you stay at home with
the baby?" Go to the library on a weekday afternoon and
the librarians start asking you about your kid in
too-loud-for-the-library voices. Show up at a friend's
house — someone you haven't seen since the baby was born
— and it's "did you get fired or something,
man?"
So, what do I call myself?
"Househusband" is definitely out. I don't
need the good folks at ABC calling to cast me in their racy new
spin-off series Desperate Househusbands. How bad does that sound? "Mr.
Mom" is out, too. It's so 1980s — although I
should add that the country band Lonestar recently cut a terrific song
called "Mr. Mom" (my son and I dance around his room to
that sweet tune). I don't call my working wife "Mrs.
Dad," so why should I be saddled with the anachronistic
"Mr. Mom?"
"Stay-at-home dad" seems to be the
preferred moniker today, with "work-at-home dad" an
increasingly likable option. Google the term "stay-at-home
dad" and you'll find quite a bit of information, including
news about the Annual At-Home Dads Convention (the ninth annual meeting
was recently held in Chicago) and meetings of "dad groups"
in communities across the country. You'll be pointed to neat
sites like www.rebeldad.com and www.slowlane.com, both dedicated to
promoting the interests of America's 190,000 stay-at-home dads.
With the work of these groups, I foresee the day
when "stay-at-home dads" will supplant "soccer
moms" as a parenting force — and voting bloc — to be
reckoned with. Don't be surprised in 2008 to see the
presidential candidates on the podiums at their respective conventions
promising to stay-at-home dads from coast to coast: "I've
got your back."
The only drawback with "stay-at-home
dad" is that it sounds a bit like a command we'd give our
dog. I envision my wife getting in the car to go to work and as
she backs down the driveway, she stops, rolls down her window, points a
finger at me and orders: "Stay at home, dad. Stay.
Good boy." And I turn back into the house, tail
between my legs.
In my case, "work-at-home dad" sounds
good, but also conveys a smidgen of self-doubt: "I do stay at
home with the baby, but I work, too. Honest." Of
course, when you introduce yourself as a "work-at-home
dad," that inevitably leads to the question, "So, what do
you do?" To which I reply, "I'm a freelance
writer." Well, I might as well say that I'm an actor,
philosopher, shaman, Nintendo champion, or some other person who has
more potential earning power than actual earning power. One
fellow at a neighborhood block party came right out and asked, "A
freelance writer? There isn't any money in that, is
there?"
Well, there's no money in being an at-home
dad either, but we do have one reward: a great life and an envied life.
In fact, my wife's high school had its career day and my
wife jokingly asked if I'd volunteer to come in and talk about
being a "kept man." I'm sure the lazy boys in the
back of the room would suddenly perk up, interested in how they too
could get into this line of non-work.
I'd probably disappoint the slackers,
though, when I read off the requirements for being a stay-at-home dad:
must work nights (including weekends and holidays); must constantly
clean up someone else's mess; must be bilingual (English Talk and
Baby Talk); and must be able to lift heavy objects (e.g., the box with
disassembled crib, crates of formula, and baby in car seat).
Inevitably, the kid with the green hair and "Anarkey
Rulz" t-shirt would rise and ask, " Dude, we know what you
do — but what do you call yourself?" And I'd
say: "Just call me ‘dad.'"
Brian is the author of "The Newbie Dad," a monthly column appearing in
Western New York Family magazine (Buffalo, NY). The column has also
been read on National Public Radio's Morning Edition for member station
WBFO 88.7 FM in Buffalo and has been published in regional parenting
magazines in such cities as Charlotte, NC, Tulsa, OK, Milwaukee, WI,
and Rochester, NY. For more information or to contact Brian visit his website.
|
