Like most men who have a wrench-tight grasp on the English language, my
father is neither loud nor outspoken. He has no need to be.
Why be a blowhard when you can get your point across with cool
efficiency?
As a father, he could (and still can) deliver one-liners that would
make my three brothers and I shake with laughter or shake in our boots
— depending on the situation. As kids, it was like having Bill
Cosby as a dad when times called for rousing joy ("Dad is great, he
gives us chocolate cake!") or Clint Eastwood when we deserved to be put
in our place ("Go ahead, make my day.").
Over the years, my father developed a repertoire of these signature
phrases. Classic dadisms, I call them. Take five minutes
and I bet you can think of a dozen sayings your own father popularized
(keep it clean, now!).
Recently, one of my older brothers and I had a good chuckle over the
fact that we now involuntarily blurt out some of those same lines to
our own kids. It shows the real influence that fathers have on
their children and — more to the point — it proves that we were
actually listening back then.
To have a little fun with this, I asked my brothers to help me catalog
our dad's "dadisms." Well, that was like asking three wolves to
help me count the sheep. They were more than happy to
oblige. And what burst forth was a litany of teachings,
encouragements, confidence-builders, admonishments and veiled
threats. The whole gamut of fatherly wisdom; a philosophy of life.
First, he was the purveyor of practical advice:
"Get in and get out." This applied to an open back door and an
open refrigerator. Just because you don't pay the gas and
electric bills, that doesn't mean you should waste energy, he'd tell us
as we alternately let the cold air into the house and out of the fridge
deciding if we wanted to play football or have some milk. As I
realized later, this sage advice applies to life in general. Make
your choice, then move ahead.
"Quit talking about it and do it." It doesn't have quite the same
ring as Nike's famed "Just Do It" campaign, but it's the same
concept. My father likes accomplishment and action. Be
smart and make an educated decision, yes — but once you've made the
decision, act on it.
"How 'bout putting some light on the subject." For some reason,
my brothers and I had a habit of doing our homework in the dark.
Leave it to my dad to constantly warn us about the risk of going
blind. We heard this phrase — which was clearly more of a command
than a question — at least twice a day for our entire childhoods.
It's actually quite good advice: put yourself in an environment that
leads to success.
"Oh, those bases on balls." My father passed down his love of
baseball to my brothers and me. It's something that binds us to
this day. Something else that happens to this day: watch a game
with my dad and you'll hear him utter this phrase every time a pitcher
walks a batter. He hates a free pass. You earn everything
in life.
He was also the voice of discipline:
"You better stop crying... or I'll give you something to cry
about." My dad sure had the market covered on phrases that
discouraged tears. I think this one was the most effective.
I don't ever remember finding out what that "something" was that he was
going to "give" us, so I guess the line worked.
"Quit" and "Knockitoff!" As you can imagine, raising four active
boys may have been trying at times. Between our bouts of
wrestling on the floor and games of verbal one-upsmanship, my brothers
and I rarely gave my father a moment's rest when he got home from
work. An unambiguous "Quit" or "Knockitoff!" usually bought him
enough time to glance at the sports page.
"Don't make me turn this car around." With four boys crammed in
the back seat of the car, at least one child was always crossing into
the imaginary DMZ we had drawn between us. This resulted in
retaliatory action by the offended party. Whether we were a block
from home or 700 miles away on vacation, you always took my dad's
threat seriously. He would, in fact, turn this car around.
Finally, he was — and is — the guy who's always there to encourage you, no matter what:
"Keep on plugging." To this day, most telephone conversations
with my father end with this phrase. It's probably my favorite
expression. Not only does it encourage you to keep working hard
in your professional and personal life, but it also implies that he
approves and is proud of what you're doing. Nothing means more
than that to a son.
"It never hurts to ask." My dad made his living as a college
fundraiser. His working motto was "It never hurts to ask," a
saying he adopted from my younger brother who, as a child, once
presented a detailed, 12-page wish list to be mailed to Santa.
The lesson here is that nothing is impossible. If you have an
idea, go for it. Not asking or not trying is the only thing
you'll regret.
"Another day, another dollar." We heard this phrase every single day my
father returned from work. It may sound like the crass talk of
capitalism, but my father is not about the cash. He is about the
hard work. He is about the dedication. He is about making
every day count and giving your all every time out.
"Payback time, buddy!" As a grandfather, this has emerged as his
latest classic. If you tell him about sleepless nights with the
baby or a kid who acted up in church, he's sure to ooze with delight,
"Payback time, buddy!" Like I say, he's there for you no matter what.
This Father's Day, I hope you'll salute your old man by rattling off
some of his favorite sayings. Let him know you were
listening. More importantly, take the wisdom of your father and
live by it. Pass it on to the next generation. You'll soon
see how your own children will benefit.
Happy Father's Day, dad — and thanks for the wisdom. Brian Kantz is a stay-at-home dad and writer living in Amherst, New York. He invites your comments and can be reached at
. Visit his website at http://users.adelphia.net/~bkantz.
