I have found a way to become a millionaire. Please don't tell
anyone else about this but it will rake in the dough. Toilet
paper companies will be go crazy over this. Who knows where this
will lead?
Imagine this scenario: your child is in the bathroom, unraveling the
toilet paper from the handy dispenser. The child gets down to the
very last square of tissue, which he/she usually leaves on the roll
because everyone knows that whoever uses the last square must replace
the roll. In this case the child reaches the end of the roll and
finds a message in red ink on the final tissue square: "Please replace
with new roll or risk losing allowance!"
Sounds like a good idea! If the toiler paper manufacturers can
place that simple warning message on the very last square I think that
mankind - at least parents - will be much better served.
Let's carry my idea one step further. Printed on the cardboard
roll children could find written, as well as illustrated instructions
on how to properly replace the roll.
Step 1: Remove spring activated roll thing from holder.
Step 2: Slide empty cardboard cylinder off holder.
Step 3: Slide full roll of toilet paper onto holder.
Step 4: Put spring activated roll thing - now holding full roll of toilet paper - back in holder.
Should we include another line of instruction telling the toilet paper
replacer to toss the cardboard roll into the recycling bin, rather than
leave it on the bathroom sink? It seems that this step might also
be necessary.
Do you think this is too involved? Would this be too difficult
for children, especially teenagers, to follow? We don't want to
take time away from their important activities like talking on the
phone while playing Nintendo or watching Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments on
TV.
So, you've read the idea here first. I will find a way to make
millions while getting children to comply with one of the first rules
of bathroom etiquette: replace the toilet paper roll after you've used
it up!
The first rule of bathroom etiquette, of course, is FLUSH. (This
is not to be confused with Texas Hold 'Em but it is a word with which
kids are familiar.)
However, this could lead to the need for more instructions, and
possibly even signs hanging in our bathrooms. Even though they
have seen us putting stuff away after our expensive trips to Costo or
Sam's Club, we will have to inform our children where to find full
rolls of toilet paper. This might require signs, or even colorful
maps helping lead them to the T.P. treasure chest. The maps would
also have to include instructions on how to return to the bathroom in
need of toilet paper. We don't want the kids to get lost.
This idea could also spawn other helpful household items for parents.
How about making dinner plates that carry instructions on the back on how to rinse the plates and place them in the dishwasher?
Step 1: Run water over both sides of the plate to remove large chunks
of food that your mother slaved to make and that you should have eaten.
Step 2: Open the front of the dishwasher.
Step 3: Reach into dishwasher and pull out the rack.
Step 4: Place wet plate between spokey things and push rack back into place.
Step 5: Close the dishwasher door.
The more advanced kids would be able to actually load the entire
machine, squirt soap into the dispenser and then turn the thing
on. But we must walk before we can run. Hopefully we can
teach these things to our children before they go off to college.
We don't want them to be known as the "bad roommate."
So, these are my ideas. Keep them to yourselves. I'm also
looking into whether clothing manufacturers can design kids underwear
and socks so that they can land in clothes hampers on their own and
without parents having to raise their voices. I'll let you know
how that goes. Tim is the author of "From Wedgies to Feeding
Frenzies: A Semi-Survival Guide for Parents of Teens." To learn more
about the book, email Tim at
or log onto his website at www.timherrera.com.
