We have a contest this month! I am offering a F-R-E-E copy of the new book: Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook For New Dads by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden. To win the book refer as many dads or moms as you know to the Fatherville website. The person to submit the most referrals will win the book. It's that simple. Use the link below and all of your referrals will total automatically.

Yes, I want to refer my friends and win the book.

Now...on to the good stuff.

I was bringing my kids home from a long day of play one summer night not long ago. It was a difficult ride home, and they were tired, hungry, and whiny. I wanted to get them home as fast as I could.

As we neared our house, my son exclaimed, "You said you'd take us for ice cream!" I cringed when I heard this, because I remembered that I'd promised that I'd take them for ice cream. I began to give excuses concerning why we needed to go home.

They would have none of it.

I turned the car around, and we went to get ice cream.

We got home past their bed time, and they were tired. But there was something that felt good about this ice cream trip. I kept my word to my kids. And my word is something that I always want them to be able to count on.

Your kids will have an incredible memory for the promises you make to them. In fact, you can assume that any promise you've ever made to your kids has been remembered.

It's important to know why this is so. When kids are younger, they have very powerful emotions that dominate their lives. Can you remember how excited you were as a young child when you went to a ball game for the first time or went on a trip?

Kids live in their emotions, and when they hear something promised to them, they get very excited. They can picture the promise happening and keep it with them in a way that's much more powerful than we're able to. For this reason, they won't forget what you promise them. Ever! So don't even think about making a promise that you might not be able to keep.

It doesn't take too much for kids to begin to lose trust in you. A few broken promises can have a big impact on a child. Very simply, one of your jobs as a father is to keep your promises. Treat them as sacred, and do what's necessary to keep them.

Some day your kids may grow up and have their own kids.

Wouldn't it be nice to see that they've learned the importance of keeping their promises with them?

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers and husbands. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm Sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.

Respond to this article.

What do you expect when it comes to your kids? I’ve often heard comments like these from grown sons and daughters:

“My brother was an all-state quarterback, but I played tennis, and I never quite measured up for my dad.”

“I made a B average in school, but Daddy was never happy with anything but A’s.”

Some dads communicate high expectations, and their children struggle to feel accepted and appreciated because nothing ever quite measures up.

These dads might inadvertently communicate that their love is conditional: “If you keep practicing, maybe next year you’ll win first place.” They may actually be proud of their children, but they can’t express it positively. Somehow, a simple compliment isn’t enough. They feel a need always to add a point of instruction. “That was great, son, but next time do this or that.” Their children learn that love has strings attached.

Still, expectations can motivate children to reach high achievements. Dad, here are five suggestions for using expectations in a positive way:

First, list the expectations you have for your children in areas like school, sports, behavior, and so on. As objectively as you can, look at each one and ask, “Is this expectation realistic? Is it too easy or too difficult?” Then ask this tough question: “Does my child feel like he has to excel to earn my love?”

Second, dad, communicate your expectations positively. Instead of relaying the message, “You must do this ...,” give your child lots of “You can do this” messages.

Third, be aware of your children’s strengths, weaknesses, interests and dreams. One of the great dangers of fathering is molding your children into your own image instead of helping them discover who they have been created to be. But a healthy awareness of your children will help you avoid that common fathering mistake.

Fourth, be a reliable model. When you demonstrate the behavior that you expect from your children, the limits and expectations you place on them make more sense. They know that, when you lay out certain rules for them to follow, you also live by that standard.

Finally, love your child no matter what. A child who’s appreciated and accepted for who he is -- regardless of his performance -- won’t feel pressure, but freedom. He’ll have the self-esteem and confidence to excel.

Ken Canfield

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Thanks for allowing me to mail this newsletter to you. It's a privilege for me to join you on the journey of fatherhood.

Until next month...hang in there dad!!

Michael E. Farrell
Fatherville.com - Where Real Fathers Write About Real Fatherhood

You may reach me anytime via email at: mike@fatherville.com

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