Welcome to the July 2005 edition of the Fatherville.com Newsletter. I hope you all had an enjoyable and safe fourth of July.

As a young child I was skinny. I mean really rail thin. It didn't bother me when I was younger but as I got older I became a lot more self conscious of my body. In junior high I was teased to no end because I was tall, uncoordinated, and still fairly thin. Can any of you relate? Or maybe you had just the opposite problem. Maybe you were heavy and your "friends" teased your for being too big. Regardless, what we needed was a good dose of self-esteem and of course to know that we are loved unconditionally. In their article, "10 Ways To Build Your Childs Self-Esteem Muscle" Steve and Lisa McChesney provide some very useful tips for encouraging your child and teaching them to have a healthy view of themselves and others.

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As a parent you are taking an important step in influencing and forming the future of your child. The following are ten ways that you can explain how the self-esteem muscle is built. It's important that you understand what self-esteem means and how, like any other muscle, it needs to be exercised in order to grow. Self-esteem is defined as having respect for oneself, or more simply put, liking yourself. Ask your kids if they would like to have someone just like themselves as a friend. If the answer is yes, then they obviously like themselves. You now just need to build on that foundation. If the answer is no, then you have got your work cut out for you.

1. Always tell the truth.
Ask your kids if they feel good about themselves when they don't tell the truth. It's hard to feel good about yourself when you are worried that someone is going to find out that you didn't tell the truth. It causes stress. On the other hand, if they tell the truth, they can feel good about themselves for being honest. The fact that they know that you are proud of them for being honest makes them feel good about themselves as well.

2. Take responsibility.
Tell your kids that if they did something they shouldn't have, admit it! Don't blame it on others or make excuses. Let them know that when they can take responsibility for their actions, they can take pride in themselves for behaving like a responsible person.

3. Be able to take a compliment.
If someone gives you a compliment, smile and say, "Thank you". The fact that someone compliments you should make you feel good about yourself. To say thank you to the person giving the compliment makes them feel good about themselves. This is a win-win situation.

4. Complete assignments early.
If your kids have a homework assignment, it's best to finish it early. Once it's done, they can feel good about themselves for fulfilling their responsibilities. If they put it off, it becomes stressful when it competes with other family activities of the evening such as dinner, baths, etc. Worse yet, it gets put off until the next morning and the stress level rises even further.

5. Avoid negative people.
Tell your children to pick friends who have high self-esteem, and who feel good about themselves. There is a lot of truth in the pressure of peer influence, and to the old saying 'Birds of a feather flock together'. Keep a keen eye on the types of friends your children play with.

6. Help raise the self-esteem of others.
One of the best ways to raise your own self-esteem is to raise the self-esteem of others. Let others know that you like the way their new haircut looks, or the way they always have a smile on their face. Congratulate them on their accomplishments. When we compliment someone and they smile, it causes us to smile as well.

7. Dream big dreams about the future.
Let your children know that it is okay to dream BIG about their future. They can be an astronaut and be the first person to walk on Mars. They can be the President of the United States, or leader of their country and bring peace to the entire world. When we dream about ourselves and our future, we feel good about ourselves.

8. Parents are more important than friends.
Kids need to remember that their parents are more important then their friends. The underlying factor in this is that parents love their kids unconditionally.

9. Be Healthy.
Exercise regularly. Eat only those foods that are good for you. I know this is easier said than done when it comes to kids, however there are many creative ways to get your kids to eat healthy. The planet is made up mostly of water. The human body is made up mostly of water. How much of your child's diet is made up of water?

10. Pick activities that are important.
Have your kids pick activities that are important to them. Prioritize them and then master them one at a time. Each time a child masters something they have incredible pride in themselves.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are two of life's ongoing requirements. They must be nourished and exercised to make them strong enough to have lasting effects. Steve and Lisa McChesney produce a daily tip newsletter. We wish you and your family health and happiness.

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My first real job was cooking french fries and waiting on customers at McDonald's in my hometown of Carmichael, California. At sixteen years old, I was making an awesome $2.25 an hour and feeling rich every two weeks when that pay envelope hit my hot little hand.

Having been raised in a family where money was usually quite tight, I had learned the value of being frugal by experience. But I have to admit, I didn't always make good decisions about how to use that important resource in my life.

As I have watched my teenagers at their first part time jobs as high school students, I have relived some of those painful memories. As I see them "squander" their play money on everything from junk food to $250 prom dates, I remember the feelings all too well.

But, fortunately, my wife and I have tried to instill some good habits of savings and budgeting in our children from their very first allowances. And now all three of our teenagers have healthy balances in their college funds and have learned the value of money.

The following are good guidelines for helping your kids manage their money effectively.

1. Start Saving Early. One of the tools we have used is starting a savings account for the kids' college years when they were about 9 or 10. Even at $10 every two weeks, the savings added up to a noticeable balance by the time they were older teens.

2. Set Spending and Savings Patterns Early. Our rule at home is that 10% of each child's earnings is used for charitable contributions-a way to give back to the community or church. An additional 40% goes into a savings account that Mom or Dad have to sign for to withdraw funds. This we call the "college fund" and is reserved for getting the child into college or some appropriate post secondary activity. The remaining 50% can be used at the child's discretion, but we also set up an additional savings account for them to use for this play money. By setting some patterns while they are under your roof, kids can learn good spending and budgeting habits.

3. Consider a Matching Savings Fund. Some parents I have talked with encourage savings by matching dollar for dollar what their children put into a college fund. This pattern allows them to see first hand their parents' attitudes about money management.

4. Family Financial Councils. About once a year, we take one of our weekly family council meetings to discuss family finances. We take Mom and Dad's gross monthly income and convert it to Monopoly money and then go through the family budget with the children. This helps them see how Mom and Dad budget and how much things cost in the real world. Utility and transportation costs are usually the most shocking for them, and it helps them see the trade-offs that are inherent in any budgeting process.

5. Checking Accounts. Helping an older teen establish a checking account can be the next step in teaching financial responsibility. Most banks and credit unions offer special plans for teens. Also, sit down with your teen at the computer and visit the Checkbook Basics site at aboutchecking.com. This site offers online lessons in writing and recording checks, reviewing statements and balancing your account.

A Few Words About Credit Cards

Even with good training, teenagers can sometimes have real difficulty with the onslaught of credit offers they receive, usually in the senior year in high school and early college. Times have changed since we fathers were teens. A credit card was seen as a mark that you had "made it"--that you were credit-worthy. Today, teens get offers in the mail for cards with credit limits that make us cringe. What are some guidelines for helping your teens treat credit with the respect it deserves?

1. Helping them understand credit will help them respect it. Understanding how credit cards work is a big help to teens. They certainly won't get the true story by reading the ads and solicitations they or their friends receive. Some really good tools for fathers who want to help teach their children about credit include:

* Credit Card Payoff Calculator.
This site shows you at various interest rates how long it will take to payoff a given balance if you only make minimum payments. This is an incredibly easy resource and the truth can be astounding!

* Written just for teens, the Learn Good Credit Management Page at studentcredit.com can really help a teen understand why credit card companies want them and how they can discipline themselves.

2. Start them out slow. With continuing concerns about teens in credit trouble, it makes some sense to teach them the value of good spending habits with plastic. There are several opportunities to do this with some innovative products. Visa offers a card they call Visa Buxx which is a prepaid Visa card. A parent or teen loads the card with value via electronic funds transfer and then teen then uses the card until the limit is reached. VisaBuxx provides online web access to spending records and allows funds to be added to the card at the parents' initiative.

3. Think about intervention. One of the best ideas I have seen is a credit card sleeve that is marketed by the Institute of Consumer Financial Responsibility. These sleeves have messages on them like "Warning: Overuse is Dangerous" and "If You Can Eat It, Drink It, or Wear It, It is NOT an Emergency." Visit the ICEF site for information on these sleeves.

4. Don't Bail Them Out. If, despite all your best efforts, your teen gets overextended on credit, take a firm hand. Let them experience the consequences of bad financial decisions. You can accompany them to visit the Consumer Credit Counseling Service in your area and help them find a way to get out of debt on their own. It's better to help them take responsibility for a $2,500 debt than a $25,000 debt later on!

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Michael E. Farrell
Fatherville.com - Where Real Fathers Write About Real Fatherhood

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