June 1, 2003
Fatherville.com Monthly Newsletter
Total Readership: 1,850

Hope You Have a Happy Father's Day!!
Welcome to the June 2003 edition of the Fatherville.com Newsletter. (Article Archives)

Tell Them What You Want
Each year since we had our first child I struggle with what I want for Father's Day. One year my next door neighbor and I went and played 36 holes of golf. It was a great outing but it didn't feel right spending so much time away from my family on Father's Day. I haven't decided how I am going to spend Father's Day this year. One thing I do know is I definitely want "breakfast in bed" this year. Beyond that I'm just not sure.

Father's Day is just a few days away. How will you celebrate this Father's Day? Will you spend it with your family at home? Will you spend the day golfing with other fathers? Will you take the family out to the lake for fishing and boating? Will you stay home and work in your garden? What do you want to do? Tell us what your ideal Father's Day would look like. 

Finally, don't forget to tell your family what you think a great father's day might look like. Don't hold back any details. You never know what you might get when you ask.

Welcome Home
This past memorial day a number of my close friends got together to celebrate the return of a mutual friend our ours. Until recently he was serving overseas in Kuwait. He had been gone for about 5 months. We put together a picnic in his honor as a way of saying, "thank you." What an amazing sacrifice he and his family made. I would just like to offer my thanks to all the men and women who have sacrificed so much for our country in so many different ways.

I'm Watching You Dad.
The other day my 8 year old son said, "Dad, I'm watching you." Wow, if you only knew the impact those words had on me. He was not thinking the same thing I was when he said it. We were playing a game outside on the lawn and his comment about watching me was in context of the game. But, if you are a parent you know the feeling that occurs deep within when you suddenly realize how fast your child(ren) is/are growing. As they grow each and every day they are learning something new from you. But remember they are also learning new things about you. Let me encourage you to take the time to plant seeds of greatness within your children. Take the time to bless them through your words and encourage them with your smile. Don't forget, in the game of life, your children are watching you.

Now...on to the good stuff...

In This Issue...

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Best Tip For A Great Fathers Day by Gary Direnfeld

I don’t think a day goes by when I don’t think of my father. I’m 47 years old and he died 21 years ago when I was 26. He was a good man, but a workaholic. He was never around, but we enjoyed a charmed life. I was an angry kid and none of my teenaged misbehavior seemed to bring him closer, as I had secretly wished.

It wasn’t until he took ill, seriously ill, that we really got to know each other, that we had a place in each other’s daily life. After his near death and many operations, I was trained as his nurse to drain his wounds and freshen his bandages. It was far to gross for mom. I appreciated the job though. I was finally close to my dad.

Taking care of him during his demise seemed to lesson the pain of his absence from my younger life. I enjoyed his company and attention and through a sad circumstance I was getting my fill. My attitude to life lightened over those three years of caring for him.

Now I’m a dad, but not a workaholic. Both were conscious decisions. I work from my home and have always enjoyed my meals with my family. One child, a son, and we share a close relationship. I am available for him and to a great extent this is taken for granted. Goal met. My son only has to concentrate on school, work and friends. 

Father’s Day is coming. I still have the pencil holder made from a decorated tin can sitting on my desk – this from a son who seemingly takes me for granted. Each year it is something else and each year I couldn’t care less. You see, the gift I enjoy, day in and day out, is the pleasure of my son’s company and knowing he is secure with our relationship and my place in his life. 

At heart, all men know dads are important. We just have to remember to act that way for our kids. The rest will take care of itself.

Want a great Father’s Day? Tell your dad you love him and give your kid a hug today – before Father’s Day actually arrives.

Respond to this article.

Article reprinted with permission: Gary Direnfeld

Single Dads: It's A Small Club, Right? By Patrick Batchelder

“Daddy why did you and mommy get divorced?” This is a question I am certain I will have to answer to my children one day. Unfortunately, divorce is very confusing to our children. I know this first hand because I was raised in a divorced home. It is our responsibility as fathers to make sure we comfort our children, concerning the divorce, as much as possible. 

Early on, limit your discussion to the most important and immediate issues. Our children need to know that someone will still fix breakfast in the morning, help them with their homework, spend time with them in their extracurricular activities, and tuck them into bed at night. Our children also need to know that their relationship with BOTH parents will continue. In the face of so many changes, we need to reassure our children through words and actions that they are loved despite the changes in routine family life created by divorce.

If reconciliation is not an option, be honest with your children and inform them that the divorce is final. Avoid giving them false hopes that dad will reunite with mom. Gently explain to them that mom and dad are no longer together. Unfortunately, most children believe that divorce is the result of something that they did wrong. Explain to your children that the divorce was not their fault. 

Talk to your children about their fears concerning divorce. Reassure your children of your ongoing involvement in their lives. Take your children's questions and concerns seriously and LISTEN to what they say. Our children need to know that we recognize the impact of divorce on their lives. By listening to our children's thoughts and feelings about the divorce, we show our ongoing care and concern.

Our children want both parents to stay involved in their lives. If you don't live near your children, you can write them letters or call them on the phone and ask them questions about how they are doing. If you don't stay involved in their lives, your children may feel unimportant and unloved. God gave fathers the awesome responsibility to oversee their families whether married or divorced. Continue to support your family in every way. Pray for the well being of your ex-spouse. In most cases, she now has the bigger responsibility to raise and protect your children when they are not with you. Wish her well. 

Work hard to get along with your ex-wife. Try to agree on matters related to your children’s needs and focus on their best interest. Fighting over the children will only make them feel like they are the problem. If your children mention or talk about your ex-spouse, listen to them and say only say only nice things, or don't say anything at all. If you say mean, unkind things about your ex-wife, your children may feel like you are putting them down and that you expect them to take your side. Do not put your children in uncomfortable situations like these.

Remember that our children count on both mom and dad to raise them. Realize the importance of your role as a father and be the best father you can be. If your dad did not do a good job of raising you, be an even better father to your children.

Finally dad, understand your role as a father did not lessen just because you got divorced, rather, it just became way more important!

May God bless you Dad!

Patrick Batchelder is Executive Director of Dear Dad and the Dear Dad Foundation, a single-father advocacy. He writes monthly for Single Parent Family magazine and his book on being an effective single dad will be published soon. Patrick lives in Colorado with his son and daughter.

Respond to this article.

Fatherhood Writers Wanted

Are you interested in writing fathering related articles for Fatherville.com?
We are always looking for new writers. If you are interested please contact us.

Note: None of the fathers who contribute to the Fatherville.com web site are financially compensated for their contributions.

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Until next month...hang in there dad!!

Michael E. Farrell
Fatherville.com - Where Real Fathers Write About Real Fatherhood

You may reach me at anytime: mike@fatherville.com
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