Welcome to the June 2005 edition of the Fatherville.com Newsletter.

Please allow me to say Happy Father's Day. I know it's a little early but I would be remiss if I didn't take some space in this newsletter to salute each and everyone of you as fathers. Father's Day is an opportunity to revel in your fatherhood. It's also a good time to consider how you might improve yourself as a father. You already know the areas that need improvement--so let me encourage you to pick one area and focus on how you can improve it this year. It could be as simple as finding ways to spend more time with your kids. It's never easy because our schedules are full, we have agendas of our own, and distractions abound. But most assuredly the time you spend with your kids now will reap relational rewards in the future. Not sure how to improve yourself as a dad? Ask your kids. If your kids are too young--ask your wife.

• Contest Announcement: Watch for our next 'Search for the Golden Grail' contest. We'll have three different prizes to award to three lucky visitors. Coming soon!!!
   
• Fatherville Tip of the Week Email
  Many of you have already subscribed to the Fatherville tip of the Week email and I'd like to say, "Thank you." It's a great way to receive simple fathering/parenting related tips that can really improve your fathering skills. If you haven't already done so please consider subscribing today.
   
• If you are a New Dad you can also sign-up for the Free 10 Week New Dad email course.
   
• Book recommendations: With Father's Day just around the corner check out the Father's Day 2005 Recommended Reading list for Dads.

Now on to the good stuff...

By Bryan Greeson

I really don’t think I’m naive. Out of touch, sometimes? Yes. Oblivious to the happenings of life around me? No. I did, however, need a little help from my older daughter a few years back. Becca was in the 6th grade and talking with me one day after school.

“Oh, Dad, did I tell you Janie is going out with an 8th grader?”

“An 8th grader?” I replied rather emotionally. “Going out? Going out where? Who’s gonna drive? He can’t be old enough to be driving yet, unless he’s failed about three grades in school. Do her parents know ...?”

“Dad. When I say going out, I mean, you know, just going out. They aren’t going anywhere.”

Oh. Man, I should have known that. In my defense, we used to call it just going together. Funny how changing one word can throw you off. Going out. Going with ... going steady. Basically, we’re talking boyfriend-girlfriend stuff here.

Middle school-age romance. Boys and girls in this age group aren’t yet teens, but certainly are no longer little kids. The marketing folks refer to this age as “Tweens.” Those ages, from around 8 or 9 years old to 12, make up this group who are between being children and teens. Oh, they still love mom and dad, fight with their siblings, and enjoy being active in sports and hobbies. They are also becoming fascinated with the opposite sex. Flirtation, blushing faces, and fluttering hearts are as abundant as broken relationships on a popular soap opera. The soaps are running rampant in these middle school classrooms as well, with love flames spreading like wildfire. It’s difficult to keep up with who’s going out with whom.

I frequently get questions from parents on this issue. Many are concerned that this love bug is happening too early—much earlier than generations past. I’m not sure about that. I think we all probably had these same feelings at this Tween age. Perhaps what has changed is the amount of freedom these kids have to act upon it all. It’s becoming more common for this group to have opportunities for together time. Parents are more permissive and facilitate this “early dating.”

On the other hand, some parents see it quite the opposite and want to disallow this going out stuff. “They’re too young for all this, and I’ve told them it simply will not be allowed in this house.” My take on this way of thinking is that it isn’t actually occurring in the house. However, it does happen at school, church, community happenings, and any other place that Tweens get together.

So, what can you as dad do? Don’t forcefully try to prohibit a natural thing. Chances are, your youngster will go behind your back in romancing with that cute boy or girl. But you can talk with them and set some guidelines.

First, tell them these feelings of interest in the opposite sex are normal and okay, but they need to keep them in the right perspective. They should not be going out at the exclusion of other friendships. It’s fine for them to spend some time with that new boyfriend or girlfriend at activities, gatherings, and events, but not just the two of them. Not only is it too much emphasis on this romance thing, but it may alienate them from friendships that are just as (if not more) important. It can be done. Encourage them to talk and interact with the group, not just the sweetheart.

The group. That in itself is another guideline. Allow some structured, supervised time for all of these friends to have some fun, but don’t feel obligated to provide “couple only time.” You’re just asking for trouble there.

Give your Tweens some guidance on how to act in these groups. Prepare them for the dares and teasing that may happen as well. “Oh, come on, kiss her! What’s wrong? Don’t you know how?” (Chances are these teasers don’t know how either, and they’ve got nothing else to do at the moment). Speaking of smoochin’, a dear friend once told my wife and I the “No PDA” rule at their church youth activities. “What’s PDA?” I asked. “You know, no public display of affection,” she replied.

Good rule. I saw it the one night in the movie theater. Two Tweens (maybe 12 years old), making out in the aisle. Forget the popcorn; I lost my appetite. What are they doing in the theater alone at that age, anyway?

Is your Tween going out? OK, dad, don’t leave this issue up to mom. Join in with what’s going on in this newly developing romance, and give guidance along the way. Don’t get caught, as I did, having no clue as to what your 6th grade daughter is talking about.

Bryan Greeson is a dad and a nationally certified School Psychologist, residing in Gastonia, NC with his family. Have a question for Bryan or a comment about his column? Interested in his column for your publication? E-Mail him at parentconnection@hotmail.com.

Respond to this article.

By Leo Quinn

Telling a young child about a financial concept, such as "compounding interest," no matter how carefully explained, is no substitute for a practical object lesson. Here's an easy, positive way to teach your child for a cash outlay of about $25.00 or less about the benefits of saving money and how compounding interest works:

You will need (for the first week):

* 1 Piggy Bank (about $5.00 to $7.00)
* 1 Dollar Bill
* 4 Quarters ($1.00)

(for the second week)

* 8 Quarters ($2.00)

(for the third week)

* 4 Dollar Bills

(for the fourth - and final - week)

* 8 Dollar Bills

When you and your young one have a little time together, just the two of you, give them the Piggy Bank. Let them know this belongs to them and is theirs alone and nobody else is allowed to lay a hand on their Piggy Bank. (If there are brothers and sisters in the picture, you may want to keep the banks in a safe place for all of them, such as the top shelf of your closet, allowing access only to those to which the banks belong). You could even choose to make it a tradition, say, when the child enters first or second grade, they get the Piggy Bank.

After presenting the Piggy Bank, give the child a one-dollar bill and instruct them to tuck it in the slot. If you can get a crispy new bill from your bank to start things off, so much the better. The bill goes into the Piggy Bank and - surprise surprise - tell them you will pay them for saving their money. They can not spend this money or access this money for a month. For anything. However, at the end of the month it is theirs to do with as they please - even if it's to purchase obnoxiously pink Barbie boots or gorge themselves on chocolate at the movies (oh, come on, we all did it once upon a time, no?). However, when given the choices (which we'll get to later on), your child may surprise you after all.

Every other day for the first week, make a big to-doodle out of adding a quarter to the fund in the Piggy Bank. After dinner or before bedtime is best. You can make up your own little fun ceremony for adding to the bank or just plop the quarters in and hear them clink and rattle - let the child have fun shaking the Piggy Bank and hearing "all that money" start to grow!

At the end of the week, perhaps on a quiet Saturday or Sunday if there is such a thing in your household - okay - so make the time if you must... take out the Piggy Bank and count the money: Wow! Two dollars saved now! The money just doubled in interest!

Put the two dollars back in the Piggy Bank and, for the second week, put TWO quarters in the bank every other day. At the end of that week, your child will see the money grow to Four Dollars!

For the third week, at a rate of one quarter for every dollar (don't you wish the banks were so nice?), their bank will grow to the lordly sum of eight dollars. Since you're providing the compounded interest of one quarter per dollar, at four dollars the rate is now a dollar every other day so you might want to throw a few bills into the mix.

For the fourth and final week, add two dollars every other day and at the end, have a "Break the Bank" ceremony and have fun counting the money! Your child will see that by putting the money away, not only did it grow a little but it grew a lot because the money earned on the money saved also earned interest and that is what we call "compounding."

At this point, your child will have $16.00. As I said before, they are free to do whatever they choose with the money - as promised. Or... you can give them a choice - since $16.00 is a considerable fortune to a 7- or 8-year-old.

Choice #1: they get to do whatever they want with the money (within reason, of course). That includes renting video games or DVD's, buying candy or those outrageous pink boots.

Choice #2: they can take half to spend and keep half to save. If they choose this, you might want to agree to pay interest on the saved portion of the money and, finally, when you have enough, take them to the bank and help them open a little savings account of their own.

Choice #3: "The Rockefeller Principle" - they keep 1/3 of the money for themselves to do as they please; save 1/3 of the money - again, you may wish to continue compounding the interest for them; and 1/3 of the money goes to charity - the Humane Society, First Aid Squad, Bulletproof Vest Fund for Police Officers or perhaps they have their own ideas of charitable contribution, such as "Jerry's Kids" or the Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts. Which do you think your child will choose?

Leo J Quinn Jr. is a financial educator from the Albany, NY area. Since 1997 he has been helping people dramatically speed up the time it takes for them to pay off their debts. Leo has a special offer for readers of the Fatherville Monthly Newsletter.

Respond to this article.

Fatherhood Writers Wanted

Are you interested in writing fathering related articles for Fatherville.com? We are always looking for dads who like to write. If you are interested please contact us. Read the contribution guidelines.

Note: None of the fathers who contribute to the Fatherville.com web site are financially compensated for their contributions. However you will be richly rewarded by the interaction that takes place between our readership and you, the potential author. So c'mon dad...give it a go. You never know when your fatherhood experiences will touch the life of another father.

Father's Day Is Coming. Buy a T-shirt and Declare Your Fatherhood!

Awesome T-Shirts 
for Dads and Grandpa's

T-Shirts Make Great Gifts

Buy One Now

Until next month...hang in there dad!!

Michael E. Farrell
Fatherville.com - Where Real Fathers Write About Real Fatherhood

You may reach me anytime via email at: mike@fatherville.com

The Fatherville.com Monthly Newsletter is among the most popular and widely read monthly fatherhood newsletters in the world!

There are a couple of ways you can support the Fatherville web site:

1. Write an article about your experience as a Father.

2. You can buy a t-shirt from Fatherville.com. Did you know that Fatherville has an affiliate partnership with Choiceshirts.com. We have a wide variety of a great looking t-shirts to choose from. These  will make a great gift for dad or grandpa and we offer a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee.

3. Buy a book. Did you know that Fatherville has an affiliate partnership with Amazon.com? When you buy a book through our site you are helping to support the Fatherville website and to further the cause of fatherhood.

If you no longer wish to subscribe to this valuable newsletter filled with incredibly useful tips, humorous fatherhood stories, and Mike's witty comments... just click the link below and your subscription will be terminated immediately. Oh, and I'm sad to see you go.