Following up from last month I've a number of important items to tell you about:

• New Website Conversion Complete
  You'll recall that last month I told you that a new website was coming. Well, now it's here. The Fatherville.com website has been completely converted to use a data based content management system called Mambo. This conversion will mean more stability, and consistency across all pages on the site. I am excited about this converstion and what it will mean to the Fatherville community.
   
• New Discussion Forum Converted and Online!
  I've also converted the Fatherville discussion forum application. So if you haven't taken the time to check out the Fatherville Forums please do so today. You never know how you might be able to help another dad. Or someone else may have an answer to that 'dad related' questions that's been plaguing you. Don't be shy.
   
• Fatherville Tip of the Week
  Many of you have already subscribed to the Fatherville tip of the Week email and I'd like to say, "Thank you." It's a great way to receive simple fathering/parenting related tips that can really improve your fathering skills. If you haven't already done so please consider subscribing today. Oh, and did I mention the service is absolutely f-r-e-e!?

Now on to the good stuff...

By Ken Canfield

Dr. Ken Canfield is the author of books and magazine articles on fathering skills and research, including the award-winning 1992 Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers, and has been interviewed on numerous television and radio programs about his work. In conjunction with a number of scholars, he developed the Personal Fathering Profile, one of the largest ongoing databases on fathering in the country and a tool for men to inventory their strengths and opportunities as fathers.

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By Kevin Leman via RealFamilies.com

A classic hassle occurs in many homes at bedtime. Children are often: a) resistant to going to bed; b) hard to get settled down once they are in the sack.

A key to handling the "Can I stay up a little longer?" ploy is to use the standard rule of Reality Discipline: direct and swift action. Do not argue or negotiate. Announce: "Bedútime at eight o'clock," or whatever you have set. Then stick with it.

With younger children, you may have an established routine to read a story and have prayers (see pages 144 and 145 of Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours). With older children (seven and above) you may sometimes run into all kinds of stalling tactics (especially if a certain TV show is about to start). Do not argue, negotiate, and so on. Have a simple understanding: "Don't go to bed on time and your bedtime is even earlier for the next few nights." Or, "Don't go to bed on time and give up your favorite TV show for a week." The key is to not weaken or hesitate. Be pleasant and friendly but imitate General Ulysses S. Grant, Commander of the Northern Army during the Civil War. General Grant's motto was "unconditional surrender."

But suppose your little buzzards have gone quietly enough to their roosts for the night and after a few minutes you hear odd noises. (This is a typical problem when two children bunk together.) You can't concentrate on chatting with your spouse, on watching your program, or reading your paper. The thumps and squeals are just too loud. Once again the situation calls for action-direct and swift. What are your options?

You may or may not want to use a tactic I employed on one occasion. I recommend it as long as you use common sense and extreme caution. Our little girls, Holly and Krissy, were not settling down for the night. Before they knew it they were outside on the back porch in weather that was somewhat inclement (occasionally it does rain in Tucson). They stayed on the porch for exactly ninety seconds and then I let them back in. They went quietly to bed with no further delays or hassles.

If putting children outside for a brief time sounds too extreme or isn't practical, here are some other ideas: take both children from their bedroom and put them in another room such as the kitchen, the sewing room, possibly even the bathroom. Give them instructions to sit there until they can work out their problem. Under no circumstances are they to have available a TV, a radio, or some other toy or device with which they can amuse themselves. The idea is to sit on separate chairs and have a period of "time out" while they settle down.

Another approach is to separate the children. If one of them is obviously the culprit in the hassle, take him and put him in another room for a brief time. Again, he is to sit on a chair and go through a time-out period of five or ten minutes, until he can go back to bed quietly.

A final option is a spanking, but chances are a swat will not be necessary. Once you take action, your children will be much more likely to settle down. Wrestling and giggling in bed together is fun. Sitting in a room together is not fun. You can work out your own best approach to using action and not words to fight the bedtime battle. There are any number of strategies for moving in with positive discipline without playing the games your kids want you to play: warnings, lectures, several trips to tell them to be quiet, and on and on.

Make clear to your children that bedtime is a must, not a negotiable option. They may protest, "But I'm not sleepy." Tell them, "Okay, you aren't sleepy, but it's still bedtime, so off to bed." Let them know that at the end of the day Mom and Dad need some moments by themselves to talk or do other things.

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known psychologist, author, radio and television personality. Dr. Leman has appeared on numerous television programs including Oprah, The Today Show and Good Morning America. Dr. Leman's best-sellers include: "Becoming the Parent God Wants You to Be" and "Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down."

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Fatherhood Writers Wanted

Are you interested in writing fathering related articles for Fatherville.com? We are always looking for dads who like to write. If you are interested please contact us.

NEW DADS---NEW DADS---NEW DADS---NEW DADS---NEW DADS---NEW DADS---NEW DADS---NEW DADS

Are you a new dad? Would you be interested in sharing your new fathering experiences with other new fathers? We are looking for one father who would would be willing to write about his new fatherhood experiences, on a once a month basis, over a one year period and allow Fatherville.com to publish your experiences on the Fatherville.com website. As a special incentive Fatherville.com will reward the qualifying father with three fathering related books* of choice from Amazon.com (*up to a total cost of $60.00)

Note: None of the fathers who contribute to the Fatherville.com web site are financially compensated for their contributions. However you will be richly rewarded by the interaction that takes place between our readership and you, the potential author. So c'mon dad...give it a go. You never know when your fatherhood experiences will touch the life of another father.

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Until next month...hang in there dad!!

Michael E. Farrell
Fatherville.com - Where Real Fathers Write About Real Fatherhood

You may reach me anytime via email at: mike@fatherville.com

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