Fatherville.com Monthly Newsletter
Total Readership: 1,606
March 2003 Edition
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March 1, 2003 Fatherville.com Monthly Newsletter Total Readership: 1,606 March 2003 Edition |
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In This Issue... |
Recommend Fatherville.com |
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| 10
Tips for Dads of Daughters (Article
courtesy: Dadsanddaughters.org)
1. Listen to girls. Focus on what is really important—what my daughter thinks, believes, feels, dreams and does—rather than how she looks. I have a profound influence on how my daughter views herself. When I value my daughter for her true self, I give her confidence to use her talents in the world. 2. Encourage her strength and celebrate her savvy. Help my daughter learn to recognize, resist and overcome barriers. Help her develop her strengths to achieve her goals, help other people and help herself. Help her be what Girls Incorporated calls Strong, Smart and Bold! 3. Respect her uniqueness, Urge her to love her body & Discourage dieting. Make sure my daughter knows that I love her for who she is and see her as a whole person, capable of anything. My daughter is likely to choose a life partner who acts like me and has my values. So, treat her and those she loves with respect. Remember (1) growing girls need to eat often and healthy; (2) dieting doesn't work; and (3) she has her body for what it can do, not how it looks. Advertisers spend billions to convince my daughter she doesn't look "right." I won't buy into it. 4. Get physically active with her. Play
catch, tag, jump rope, basketball, Frisbee, hockey, soccer, or just take 5. Get involved in my daughter's school. Volunteer, chaperone, read to her class. Ask tough questions, like: Does the school have and use media literacy and body image awareness programs? Does it tolerate sexual harassment of boys or girls? Do more boys take advanced math and science classes and if so, why? (California teacher Doug Kirkpatrick's girl students weren't interested in science, so he changed his methods and their participation soared!) Are at least half the student leaders girls? 6. Get involved in my daughter's activities. Volunteer to drive, coach, direct a play, teach a class—anything! Demand equality. Texas mortgage officer and volunteer basketball coach Dave Chapman was so appalled by the gym his 9-year-old daughter's team had to use, he fought to open the modern "boy's" gym to the girls? team. He succeeded. Dads make a difference! 7. Help make the world better for girls. This world holds dangers for our daughters. But my over-protection doesn't work, and it tells my daughter that I don't trust her! Instead, work with other parents to demand an end to violence against females, media sexualization of girls, pornography, advertisers making billions feeding on our daughters' insecurities, and all "boys are more important than girls" attitudes. 8. Take my daughter to work with me. Participate in every April's Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day and make sure my business participates. Show her how I pay bills and manage my money. My daughter will have a job and pay rent some day, so I need to introduce her to the world of work and finances! 9. Support positive alternative media for girls. Join with the family to watch programs that portray smart savvy girls. Subscribe to healthy girl-edited magazines like New Moon and visit online girl-run "'zines" and websites. It's not enough to condemn what's bad, I must support and use media that support my daughter! 10. Talk to other fathers. Together, we fathers have reams of experience, expertise and encouragement to share. There's a lot we can learn from each other. And we can have a lot of influence—for example, Dads and Daughters protests stop negative ads. We make things better for girls when we work together! Article reprinted with permission: © Dads and Daughters www.dadsanddaughters.org All Rights Reserved.
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| Will
I Ever Sleep Again? By Mike
Farrell If you are a like almost every other new father you are not alone in this question. It's a fair question to ask especially after you've been up trying to soothe your screaming newborn. I have good news. The screaming and crying will eventually subside and yes, you will eventually get some well deserved rest. But, it may be a while. So here are a few tips to help you make it through those (short) nights. 1. Breastfeeding mothers need help. That's right, don't assume that because your wife is breastfeeding that you are "off the hook." If your wife is breastfeeding she will treasure you for taking the time to get up and bring your baby to her. It seems insignificant now. But at 3am in the morning it's a beautiful gesture. 2. Take shifts with your wife. Agree before you go to bed at night which of you will get up with the baby first. It might help to simply pick even and odd hours. For example, if the baby wakes up during the 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5am hours then you wake up with him or her. If it's during the 12am, 2am, 4am, 6am hours then your wife will will wake up with the baby. The point is have a plan before you go to sleep at night. This will eliminate the anger and frustration of the moment when niether one of you wants to get up. 3. Learn the different ways your baby likes to be held. Some like to be held chest to chest. Others like to be cradled. And still others like to be seated facing away from you. Find the position that your baby feels most comfortable in try soothing them in that position. 4. Don't be to proud or embarrassed to sing softly and even talk to your baby. The sound of your voice is very reassuring to your baby and it is part of the bonding process. Your baby will quickly learn to associate your voice with safety and security. 5. Gentle bouncing works sometimes. But be careful not to bounce baby too much or you may upset your baby's tummy. 6. Pacifiers work too. Some babies find comfort in a pacifier. Others refuse to accept it especially if your wife is breastfeeding. 7. Rocking, either in a chair or in the bassinet, can also be helpful means of helping ease your baby back to sleep. 8. Pacing the floor was very soothing to my daughter. In fact she would transition from a "deathly scream" to silence if I put her chest to chest with her head on my shoulder and simply started pacing the room. While pacing the room you'll discover little nooks and crannies that you had never noticed before. 9. Placing a warm heating pad in your babies cradle before bed time can ease the transition when laying baby down for the first time at night. NOTE: The heating pad should never be left in the cradle when it is occupied. 10. A warm bath in a baby tub can also be a great way to soothe your baby before bedtime. It's important that you have a towel to wrap your baby in right away after the bath. This will eliminate him from getting cold. These are all useful tools that will help you get your baby back to sleep a little quicker--and that's good for you. If you discover other ideas write me and let me know what works for you. Happy Fathering! |
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| Cherishing
the Path of Fatherhood (Article
Courtesy: kituku.com)
Having children changes one's viewpoint on life. Since 1972, I had several goals written in my heart. Becoming a father didn't cross my mind. I spent more time thinking of what brand of jeans to purchase or which soccer team was to win the East African Football Cup than I put into planning to become a father. And unfortunately many men don't think about it either. On the other hand, women prepare themselves in many different ways. I have seen my girls dress their dolls, "wake" them up, change diapers and "feed" them. They even seem to know how many children they will have while they are at tender ages. My son spends his energy looking forward to proving to the world he can knock Daddy down. Why didn't I think about becoming a father? Was I afraid of being like my dad, who by sneezing sent me scurrying, wondering whether there was an order I didn't hear? Or was it the seriousness I saw in men's faces that suggested fatherhood was the end of fun? As a single man, I had no gray hair, listened to international musicians and watched movies from America and criticized fathers who just didn't know their job. Now, my hair makes me wish it is still the time when grayness was a sign of wisdom. I drive a family van, keep a comb in my laptop's bag, listen to, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," and watch "Mother Goose." I refer to being at a McDonald's with my three-year-old son, as "an opportunity for quality time." And I am not bothered by the fact that he cares more for the kind of toys he will get with his Happy Meal than my presence. Further, I have learned to call my father Saint Kituku, the great philosopher, since now I am the man whose ideas, love for music (hymns) and favorite movies (Love Brewed in African Pot and The gods Must be Crazy), seem to qualify as archival material. Unlike men who threaten young men who date their daughters with shotguns, I am much kinder. I just show them my spear. Children make their parents grow up fast. One moment, you swing to utmost realms of joy only to sink low in your next breath. Sometimes, you are so confused you may not even recall each child's name. Wait until you notice that one of them was born to bite. Do you take him to a vet or pediatrician? What do you do with the one whose mission seems to be testing your patience, and he can't get it when you say, "Because I am your father?" Then one specializes in passing notes to classmates instead of drinking from the fountain of knowledge. What do you do? Fatherhood also comes with tears and feelings of emptiness and stupidity. I almost rushed Lucille to the hospital for her uncontrollable cry. A cry that ended when I gave her food instead of a bottle of water. Nothing comes close to the time when Caroline's broken foot was misdiagnosed as a sprained ankle. The doctor advised me to help my daughter to try walking with the leg. A week or so later, the leg was swollen and had excruciating pain. I sought for a second opinion. The leg had been broken. Caroline cried, and I cried. Her leg has healed sufficiently, for which I am eternally grateful. I wish I could say the same thing for the hurt I have suffered for helping her walk on a broken leg. The path of fatherhood is filled with rose plants. Roses, however, have thorns. I am learning to pick the thorns as they come so that I can smell the roses. Seeing my girls portray the strength and integrity of my mother and their love for her folktales helped me change my career to one in which I share Kamba culture and wisdom with the rest of the world. What a joy to see Caroline define her identity with grace and inner determination! Lucille's insightful ideas and ability to put the ideas in illustrated form have been the beginning of many of my stories. Seeing Celina run as fast as a Swala reminds me that, I, too, have genes for running, like other Kenyans. Kithetheesyo, my boy has been my classroom through whose life I can discover our two different worlds. I have learned that I can be a donkey giving rides at my owner's will. We wrestle and whether I lose or win the match is not over. The battle of wills continues. No single book can accurately teach you how to be an effective father along the path of fatherhood. Each child comes with a set of unique blessings and surprises. It's only by being an active part of their lives that we learn as they teach us to live full lives. Article reprinted with permission: © Dr. Vincent Kituku www.kituku.com All Rights Reserved. |
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http://www.EmeraldPopStop.com/fv Block Popup windows for only $9.99 |
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 Books
for First Time Fathers
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 Congratulations! You're Gonna Be a Dad! $8.79 |
 Do I Look Like a Daddy To You? $11.16 |
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Books
for Stay At Home Fathers |
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 The Stay At Home Parent Survival Guide $10.47 |
 Stay At Home Dads The Essential Guide to Creating the New Family $14.00 |
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Books for
Divorced Fathers |
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 Live-Away Dads: Staying a Part of Your Children's Lives When They Aren't a Part of Your Home $10.36 |
 Wednesday Evenings and Every Other Weekend $20.00 |
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| In closing I'd
like to acknowledge the passing of Fred Rogers? On, Thursday, February 27,
Fred Rogers passed away. You may remember him as Mr. Rogers. Now, I know
this may sound really silly but as young child I spent a lot of time
watching the "Mr.
Rogers Neighborhood" program after school. In a few small, but
significant ways, his program had a great impact on my life. Of the things
that I learned from his program it was his simplicity that really made an
impact on me. As parents I think it's important to remember that it's the
really simple things in our lives that have the biggest impact on our own
children--especially our young children. Things like: holding hands with
your child, singing to your child, saying "I love you" to your
child, hugging your child, praising your child, praying with your child,
and simply telling your child that they are very special and treasured by
you.
Mr. Rogers...thanks for 37 years of keeping life simple.
Until next month...hang in there dad!! Michael E. Farrell You may reach me at anytime: mike@fatherville.com |
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| A
Note About Spam Filters
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walks—you name it! Physically active girls are less likely to get
pregnant, drop out of school, or put up with an abusive partner. Studies
show that the most physically active girls have fathers who are active
with them. Being physically active with her is a great investment! 